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Darker Days
Contributed by
JHONEN32629
on
Thursday, 15th September 2005 @ 08:59:04 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
I long for you to fly over me once more, 'cause somehow I know that my death is near, I can feel it. I can feel it deep inside myself. From down below the sun never seems to shine, my bloodshot eyes search the sky for a sign of you.
Ok, I admit i've been living longer than I ever thought.
I finally manage to break away from this hell, and break on through a new life.
I never thought i'd reach this far.
Break out of the darkness, and into the heavens.
I stare into the pool of life, and take a drink. I look up into your eyes, they are full of death. But somehow I have defeated you, once and for all, you shall never see the light again, and iIshould never see the darkness.
Copyright ©
JHONEN32629
... [
2005-09-15 20:59:04]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Darker Days
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostrelic on
Thursday, 15th September 2005 @ 09:05:07 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| interesting write i enjoyed it you kinda joined two sentences toghter but i cant spell so hey what do i know still great write keep up the work |
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Re: Darker Days
(User Rating: 1 )
by JHONEN32629 on
Thursday, 15th September 2005 @ 09:06:09 PM AEST
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Thanks
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Re: Darker Days
(User Rating: 1 )
by remote on
Friday, 16th September 2005 @ 02:14:35 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Little rough, you could polish it a bit, nice approach to the theme. |
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Re: Darker Days
(User Rating: 1 )
by JHONEN32629 on
Saturday, 17th September 2005 @ 11:31:33 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| ^ Thanks, and I agree with the polishing comment, I can use more detail in it, and I will! |
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Re: Darker Days
(User Rating: 1 )
by tdp on
Sunday, 18th September 2005 @ 05:25:58 PM AEST
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| I really like the line " I stare into the pool of life, and take a drink. I look up into your eyes, they are full of death." Pretty deep stuff you got going on there, very expressive |
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Re: Darker Days
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Saturday, 24th September 2005 @ 12:29:35 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| It is a bit confusing to me. Maybe you can rewrite it so that its message is clearer |
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