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The River
Contributed by
Sinned
on
Thursday, 22nd September 2005 @ 06:43:26 AM in AEST
Topic:
Haiku
|
Sunlined silver streaks
Water lapping kissing the shore
Seagull geese ducks and loon
Copyright ©
Sinned
... [
2005-09-22 06:43:26]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The River
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Thursday, 22nd September 2005 @ 08:54:58 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| I think the beat structure of a haiku is 5-7-5 you have written 5-7-6 it was a good try. |
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Re: The River
(User Rating: 1 )
by Elizabeth_Dandy on
Tuesday, 27th September 2005 @ 11:40:22 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Denis (St, Denis carried his own head) :))
Archie is right. I meant to tell you before but he preempted me.
A Haiky has the syllabic constructions of
5.7.5
(can be repeated, but you made the center line 8 beats instead of 7.
Not knit-pickijg sweet friend. but since Haikus are so short, it matters.
St. Denis carried his own head, ring the bells of Paris
Blessings
Elizabeth |
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Re: The River
(User Rating: 1 )
by BEBE on
Wednesday, 5th October 2005 @ 11:58:39 PM AEST
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I think this was a short but beautiful peice of writing... Keep up the good work
GODBLESS
BEBE |
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Re: The River
(User Rating: 1 )
by STECKS on
Wednesday, 14th December 2005 @ 11:17:41 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Very nice writing but gotta keep up with the correct format. Still very nice. |
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