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You
Contributed by
autumn_zephyr
on
Sunday, 25th September 2005 @ 06:28:14 PM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
The door is shut and I lay awake,
your not home yet,
but I know it's coming.
I fear the thought, can't stand
the pain, night after night,
just kill me now.
You say you love me, you say you care,
then why do you hurt me?
Constantly hit me, and force yourself
onto me. Why can't you listen to me?
I said I wasn't ready, I said give it time,
but you couldn't do that, and in the midst
of getting what you want, you
shattered my life, laughing the entire time.
I always sat awake, I could never sleep,
too scared you'd hit me to wake me up,
and do as you please.
I hate having to be like I am,
scared, untrusting, cautious,
and all because of you.
I couldn't talk to anyone,
you kept me isolated,
watched me with my friends,
followed me everywhere,
I couldn't be alone,
even though I was.
You thought it was ok,
said it was my fault, and I guess,
it kind of was, but what could I do?
The one time I tryed to stop you,
I still hold scars from that day,
you made me so scared,
so helpless, which I'm sure,
were your intentions, making it
so, you controlled me, and no one
knew what was going on, because
you made it all seem perfect,
the perfect couple,
the perfect relationship,
bragging to your friends about
the perfect nights.
Before you I was strong,
and now, I'm always going
through something,
haunted by the memories,
I can't put behind me,
the memories you brought back
to me from my past,
the pain you caused me,
you ***** my entire life over.
And you don't even care.
You had no sense of human
emotion, you didn't care
that constantly you hurt me,
left bruises, I was suppose to
be able to trust you. Go to you when
someone hurt me, instead you took
that role, I wish you knew how I feel,
what I go through, everyday because
of what you did, and what you brought
up for me again. I remember
the nights, hearing your car pull up,
just wishing, that you'd kill me,
so I wouldn't have to go through it
again. So I wouldnt have to see your
face, or have you touch me,
you drove me to the point, where
I tryed killing myself, and unfortunatly
didn't succeed, and had to come back
to you, I remember how angry you were,
the look in your eyes, tryed to run away,
but there really was no use. I lied
protecting you when the question came up;
"Does your boyfriend hit you?
Has he ever caused you harm in any form?"
"No"
So stupid and young, I thought you loved me,
deep within you, I thought you loved me,
and thought it was all my fault, my fault
for the bruises, the cuts, the pain, those nights,
everything, maybe it was, maybe I did something.
Something to make you hate me to the point,
you'd do what you did, and say what you said.
You weren't who I thought you were,
you changed me,
and everyday, I relive those 3 years,
and the horrible memories they contain.
I hate you.
Copyright ©
autumn_zephyr
... [
2005-09-25 18:28:14]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: You
(User Rating: 1 )
by ForlornSapphire on
Sunday, 25th September 2005 @ 06:57:47 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| I know where you are coming from! I have been there. Not physically but emotionally. If it weren't from my own "You", I wouldn't be so screwed now. Keep you're head up, dear. The pain may not ever subside, but your strength that you have gained will. If you want to talk to an annonymous person, please let me know! |
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Re: You
(User Rating: 1 )
by MorningDove on
Sunday, 25th September 2005 @ 06:58:01 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
Just remember that the mantle of guilt is not yours to wear, it is his. No one should ever be treated like that and no one has the right to force anything on another person. The trauma you have been through will change you. If you can get some emotional help so that it will not destroy your entire life. You deserve so much better and there are good men out there.
Dove |
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