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Alone
Contributed by
loki
on
Wednesday, 28th September 2005 @ 09:24:34 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
When i'm alone i'm happy
when i'm alone i'm sad
when i'm alone i live
when i'm alone i die
all alone i read my book
all alone i do my work
all alone i eat my lunch
all alone i feel the crunch
When i'm alone i'm happy
when i'm alone i'm sad
when i'm alone i live
when i'm alone i die
no-one to talk to
no-one to care
no-one to laugh with
no-one to be with
When i'm alone i'm happy
when i'm alone i'm sad
when i'm alone i live
when i'm alone i die
hoping for someone to see me
hoping for someone to be there
hoping for someone to care
hoping for someone toshare
When i'm alone i'm happy
when i'm alone i'm sad
when i'm alone i live
when i'm alone i die
Copyright ©
loki
... [
2005-09-28 09:24:34]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Alone
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Wednesday, 28th September 2005 @ 10:31:10 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| I know how you feel and I hope you see others when they are alone too. This is a good write |
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Re: Alone
(User Rating: 1 )
by In_a_while on
Wednesday, 28th September 2005 @ 12:14:12 PM AEST
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a Message)
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it's very honest and sorrowful as well. I'm especially fond of the repetiveness.. it really punctuates the message you send.
I liked it very much
Keep up the fine writing!
dw |
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Re: Alone
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Wednesday, 28th September 2005 @ 01:34:42 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Repeating lines is a tricky thing...It can either enhance a write, or make it annoying to read. I won't say this was 'annoying', but something was lost in your meaning with all the repeats...I like the expressing of your feelings. That was good, but the rest just seemed like not alot of effort was put into it. Sorry, not trying to be harsh, just helpful. Let your emotions flow more naturally, and you'll be surprised how very 'poetically' your thoughts come together...Keep it up!
Welcome to YPDC : )
Scorp. |
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