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she's my.....
Contributed by
crazy
on
Tuesday, 11th October 2005 @ 09:17:39 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
shes one for me,shes one i need
nourish her right till shes my evil seed
make her do all my evil deeds
bite my neck and feed off me
help her grow up right
in order to bacome a predator of night
to me she is my golden light
not gonna let her outta my site
bite your nack feed off you
show you the right things to do
look into my beautiful eyes of blue
show you that my love is true
stalk them until they are dead
then drink on thire blood instead
want to lay with you in our bed
sex you right inside your head
Copyright ©
crazy
... [
2005-10-11 21:17:39]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: she's my.....
(User Rating: 1 )
by Caged Soul on
Wednesday, 12th October 2005 @ 07:56:08 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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AS far as I am concerened, there is nothing wrong with the flow of this piece.
The way it was written complements the overall mood of the poem.
A crittical piece of advice: check the spelling of your work before you submit.
Thanks for sharing this with us.
~souLBro~ |
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Re: she's my.....
(User Rating: 1 )
by pander on
Saturday, 15th October 2005 @ 12:57:45 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Weather or not it flows all depends on how you read it.
Try singing it in a punk rock style. It works very well that way. |
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