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Life After Seventeen
Contributed by
fielding88
on
Sunday, 16th October 2005 @ 10:43:33 PM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
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Ill stare this gift horse in the mouth,
And pack my bags up for the South.
Life showed no opportunity
And its not like I couldnt see.
This Lifes no road I want to drive
I want to livenot stay alive.
Im driving nuts in Lifes fast lane,
With my love here to keep me sane.
So what if fools rush into love?
Because when push will come to shove,
Theyre living in the here and now.
Thats why shes here to teach me how.
A penny saved was one I earned.
I lost em all and then I learned,
No matter how much dough I gave,
She could spend, but she could not save.
You know youve got it when its gone
She left me at the break of dawn.
So much happens when Im sleeping,
Cant they wait till Im done dreaming?
But Lifes a ***** and then you die,
And none of you can tell me why.
Whats so important bout today
That the ***** has to get her way?
Ill pull the trigger, jump the gun,
Theres nowhere left for me to run.
My happiness was never found,
Ill just get hitched and settle down.
Copyright ©
fielding88
... [
2005-10-16 22:43:33]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Life After Seventeen
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Sunday, 16th October 2005 @ 10:48:26 PM AEST
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| cussing, eh? my how the mighty have fallen... and whats wrong with drastic changes in style? my page certainly has some big ones, for one the ramblingness to the vague, the repetition to the nonexistant repetition, the freeverse to the rhyme, pointless ending to meaningful ending. anything wrong with these changes? seventeen is an evil age. ::sigh:: just remember use your blinkers when you merge into the slower lane... |
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Re: Life After Seventeen
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Sunday, 16th October 2005 @ 11:23:09 PM AEST
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LOL Marc, toting guns and censored lingo...You haven't gone and moved to Regent have ya? :p
This is definitely grittier than your usual. It has a defiant edge that seems to thumb it's unruly nose at the unsuspecting world. Nice! The flow was relatively smooth, with a minor scrape here and there. I like this alot though; it's in the raw, and speaks of lessons learned, and boldly steps into the future.
Can't wait to read more of the new writes from you!
Scorp. |
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Re: Life After Seventeen
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Monday, 17th October 2005 @ 03:01:44 AM AEST
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This shows frustration, I am sure. Well, some of us have lives that demand something drastic from us as a sort of initiation, I think. They require us to figure out what destiny is, and then crawl after it as best we can. There's no end of confusion along the way.
I felt a little like those last two stanzas changed in tone, though looking it over I'm not sure. I like the third stanza best, though. I think the pithy lessons-learned style of the third, fourth and fifth stanzas were my favorite.
Let your style evolve if it chooses; you may find yourself radically changing, then going back to old ways with a new perspective and skill. Or you may become happy with what comes from the change. It is, after all, all about change.
Keep it up, old chap.
Andrew |
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Re: Life After Seventeen
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dark_and_Cold on
Monday, 17th October 2005 @ 12:09:25 PM AEST
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| Just in case there's any truth at all in your poem, the younger you are when you get married, the more likely you are to get divorced (at least until around age 25). This is almost universally true. Just something to keep in mind. Young people are (nearly) without exception too young, selfish, and stupid for love to ever work out. |
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Re: Life After Seventeen
(User Rating: 1 )
by Spazzo on
Wednesday, 19th October 2005 @ 12:52:03 PM AEST
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Wow this is really awesome poem.
Scott |
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Re: Life After Seventeen
(User Rating: 1 )
by Wachumiri on
Thursday, 27th October 2005 @ 07:28:05 AM AEST
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I really liked.. well, almost all the lines. The best, I belive, is
"I want to live—not stay alive."
That is how life should be viewed. A desire for more, more... everything. Well written, my friend. Man, I'm reading this one again.
Take care,
David |
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Re: Life After Seventeen
(User Rating: 1 )
by freckle on
Friday, 4th November 2005 @ 06:39:26 PM AEST
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I loved this! I can remember too, those feeling experienced when in the last year of high school and life stretched like a gaping hole before me! Great write and hope to see more soon whether your style has changed or not....that happens sometimes...and growth is good. (Except in my expanding waist!)
Carol |
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Re: Life After Seventeen
(User Rating: 1 )
by Unbreakable on
Friday, 4th November 2005 @ 10:44:59 PM AEST
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I really enjoyed reading this poem. It flows so well and you followed your rhyme scheme practically religiously, which makes for an easy read (always enjoyable). I love the line you open with and, in fact, the entire first stanza. It's very poetic and does a great job of leading the reader in to the rest of the poem. I think that my favourite thing about this poem is that you don't dance around what you want to say, you just come right out and say it, even if it includes profanity (which, by the way, is poetic in it's own way if used effectively...which it was). I have to say, I was pretty surprised by the ending, I thought the poem was going in a completely different direction..but once again, the controversy was used effectively and the ending brought the poem around nicely. Great work...don't take too long to post again, I look forward to reading more of your stuff.
Krystal |
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Re: Life After Seventeen
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Tuesday, 15th November 2005 @ 06:09:48 PM AEST
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Wow, Marc. This is a little different.
I love how it seems to jump from thought to though, in a seeming random way, but it all seems to still match up together. It's great.
I love how you almost play with the words in this, too.
Great write,
*hugs*
Phil xxx |
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Re: Life After Seventeen
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Thursday, 24th November 2005 @ 08:49:01 AM AEST
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Marc, ha! This was just outstanding. I love it when a poet plays with his words no matter how much they get censored by the moderators.
I agree with a lot of what you said and i hope to see more of your writes soon.
Sorry for the late reply.
Jane~ |
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Re: Life After Seventeen
(User Rating: 1 )
by Shmokin on
Monday, 23rd January 2006 @ 02:00:07 PM AEST
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| Good write, confusing read but tht doesnt detract from its flow, thanx for sharing :-) |
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Re: Life After Seventeen
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 1st March 2008 @ 02:54:46 PM AEST
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This reaches the depth in which most never
attemp to persue, for fear of the abyss that awaits them, " My happiness was never found, …I’ll just get hitched and settle down."
then you will find true peace and contentment. a most magnificent write . . .
Ben
thank you also for your comment, most
appreciated indeed . . .
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Re: Life After Seventeen
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 30th April 2008 @ 09:09:35 AM AEST
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This is a wonderful poem, i don't care what the ratings say. At least you felt something for graduation. When I graduated in 06 I was emotionally dead. I was at my own funeral. Don't ask me why I felt like that, I just did.
Noneoftheless, great poem
darkpoetress |
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