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I'm Dying
Contributed by
bobotheclown
on
Saturday, 22nd October 2005 @ 01:47:42 AM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
Feed me the lies
Shovel them down my throat
Until I can't breathe and choke
I don't listen to the truth
And the truth is...
I LOVE YOU
If I sliced my wrists
Would you suck me dry?
Or kiss away my pain
Chase away my fears and doubts?
I want to jump off a cliff
"Forget" to spread my wings and fly
Leave my entrails to be washed away
Place my black heart
Upon a deserted island
So it can no longer bring pain
To this dying world,
But instead I die,
Die in this pit called Guilt
I try to shower it away
Watch it flow down the drain,
But it always returns
To whisper the lies
Implant them in my brain
Falling, falling, falling
Dying, dying, dying
I'm dying...
Copyright ©
bobotheclown
... [
2005-10-22 01:47:42]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I'm Dying
(User Rating: 1 )
by Sae on
Saturday, 22nd October 2005 @ 02:01:52 AM AEST
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| wow. That's sad :( But you did a very good job writing it. |
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Re: I'm Dying
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Saturday, 22nd October 2005 @ 02:24:22 AM AEST
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A wonderful poignant piece Joel, but I think it’s sort of a continuation from your previous post. This shows a lot of character and emotions behind each syllable, word & stanza.
You’ve done exceedingly well when it comes to poetic outburst of emotions.
Jane~~ |
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Re: I'm Dying
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Saturday, 22nd October 2005 @ 04:25:50 AM AEST
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Very sad but great writing. Hope u feel better really soon.
huggs,
emy |
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Re: I'm Dying
(User Rating: 1 )
by crazy on
Saturday, 22nd October 2005 @ 10:33:18 AM AEST
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dude this is such an dark sad depressing poem i loved it it put out so much feelings
i feel this way alot no matter what any one says i just feel the same way wow i think im going to put this on my wall at home
such a wow poem i cant find a good enough word to describe it i love it your a amazing poet what a wow job keep it up |
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Re: I'm Dying
(User Rating: 1 )
by enigma on
Saturday, 22nd October 2005 @ 04:44:57 PM AEST
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Sounds like a cabon copy of my experience...it takes so long to fall...I'm fifty-four and was still falling only a year ago...depressed to the max...about as close to a complete nervous breakdown as you can...maximum doses of Concerta, Effexor and Remeron...today???Life's a hoot...it is fun...like your poem says so effectively...people told me this and that...I told me this and that...it finally sank in that my difficulties weren't people rejecting me, which my wife was in the process of doing big time...it was me, rejecting me...me not loving me...forget Rita, Faye, Kathie, Keyna, Jan, Louise, Carrie, all them ladies...Love is stretched pretty thin when it is based on dependency...it's an intricate trail full of paradox and slight of hand...essentially, just about everything we view as substantial...real...isn't...I have to grin and shake my head...not in the group a week yet and pretty well establishing that I'm certified...I'm not...really...just ask my shrink...are you laughing yet...
Take the chair you're sitting on...the actual mass is less than a speck of dust...it a whole lot of nothing...
A wife perceives her husband as oppressively manipulative...she responds with anger...in her mind, he made her angry...not so...
got to go...get back tomorrow...
keep looking up
good job with the poetic expression
life is a Hoot...really...
blessings,
enigma
I haven't been a part of this poetry family for even a week yet...it's good sharing myself with others with similar difficulties and interests... |
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Re: I'm Dying
(User Rating: 1 )
by Whisper on
Saturday, 22nd October 2005 @ 10:00:07 PM AEST
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Well Bo Bo ... I like your write it had the beginning of good flow. But the ending was a little off fer me. Good write .
Whisper |
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Re: I'm Dying
(User Rating: 1 )
by Sinfullilmissmuppet on
Saturday, 22nd October 2005 @ 10:13:18 PM AEST
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Sad, good, great
I think people can relate it on so many different levels which is y i like it
id luv to forget to fly
till next time
emz
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Re: I'm Dying
(User Rating: 1 )
by enigma on
Sunday, 23rd October 2005 @ 12:32:44 PM AEST
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hello...I'm back...enigma...I have so many "triggers" and your poem pulls just about all of them. These are the lines that grabbed me the most...
...crap...they all grabbed me...it's a total package...so, this is the way I received it:
In Bob Dylan's, Infidels album, he has a song named, I and I...a Jewish concept...ego and id stuff...opposing forces that must somehow blend...find a holy consensus...for me...this little child within, the one created during my attachment years, has been fed lie upon lie upon lie...the adult within, the part of us striving to achieve wholeness, completeness, is attempting to quell the fears of this tormented little child...the little child has built his whole world on the lies his childhood caregivers fed him to the point where the child believes their lies are truth...the adult, who's truth is, "I Love You," is viewed as a liar...an entity not to be trusted...this little kid is so disgusted with himself...feels so guilty...he figures he deserves to be tormented...ironies of ironies...the truth of the adult within, "You are significant," "You are beautiful," "You are worthwhile," "You are innocent," "You are of equal value with all of your brothers and sisters," "You are Loveable," "I Love You,"...he finds no comfort in the words of the adult...these truths burn as if they were lies...they seek to destroy the false world the child has established within...though this false world is painful, he has become familiar with the pain and this familiarity is his only source of security...it ain't great, but it's better than the unknown...[Carly Simon's song: "I Haven't Got Time For the Pain."]
Back to the wife and husband: her perception is that her husband is oppressively manipulative and she assumes her husband's actions are causing her present pain, her anger...
I'm a teacher...a playground scenario will help provide a basis for understanding...one kid teases kid A...kid A laughs...the same kid teases kid B exactly the same way...kid B attacks...this happens all the time...why does kid A laugh and kid B attack? Kid A is a good kid and kid B is a bad kid. Right? Wrong! Kid A has had a lifetime of wholesome, "Self" affirming, character building experience...Kid A's caregivers provided healthy attachment experiences...he feels secure in who he is...his emotional safety comes from within...he Loves himself...his "Self-"image isn't dependent on external supports...kid A doesn't feel threatened and feels no emotional discomfort from the teasing...on the other hand, kid B has had a lifetime of experience that has caused him to view the world as unsafe...dangerous...his experience has taught him to question his significance, his value, his adequacy...he is uncertain of his emotional safety...his security depends on external entities...all of the experiences that have created kid B's world view were emotionally painful...Kid B feels threatened by the teasing, this teasing has reached into his bank remembered painful experience and he seeks to protect himself with anger…what caused kid B's anger? It wasn't the teasing …if he had had a lifetime of wholesome, "Self" affirming, character building experience like kid A, he would not have become angry…the cause of his anger was his lifetime of painful experience…he was feeling the anguish of all the painful experiences that formed his "Self-"image…a lot of pain…a lot of anger…
The husband may be a real dingbat, but the wife's "Self-"compromising emotions and actions, emotions and actions that are compromising her Adulthood, these actions and emotions were caused by her early childhood caregivers…she is actually angry with them…were she emotionally healthy, mentally whole, the husband's actions would have created a bit of surprise, confusion perhaps, a desire on the wife's part to understand what the heck her husband is up to…"What are you doing?" the wife asked with a soft puzzled look on her face. "No thanks, Hun, I'd rather watch the game," responded the wife as her husband took his clothes off and blocked her view of the television.
The older I get the more astounded I am at how much of what we view as reality, is a mirage.
From a mental health perspective, poems that accuse a lover of infidelity would be better off directed back at the writer. Poems of Love written to a lover should be able to be read back to the writer without making the author uncomfortable.
I went back again to try and choose my favorite images...I said, "Boy, I love that first line." Then I glanced at the second line and said, "Gosh, I love that one, too." Then I saw the third and said, "That one's got to be in there, too." The next two were too awesome to leave out. I finally stopped at, "I Love You."
Surprisingly enough...that's what I think this poem says.
sorry about the book
blessings,
enigma...ron
Feed me the lies
Shovel them down my throat
Until I can't breathe and choke
I don't listen to the truth
And the truth is...
I LOVE YOU
...I snuck back...just had to write the words down...see them in black and white...it all looks so simple in black and white...it ain't...god almighty, it ain't...
I'll shut up...
enigma...ron
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Re: I'm Dying
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Sunday, 23rd October 2005 @ 06:55:09 PM AEST
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Powerful. I like that imagery that is used, with strength, and fitting for the dark stain of guilt, that thing that clings like nothig else, doesn't it? I'm reminded that guilt is one of the main tactics of the demons (those "accusers of the brethren", I recall).
May your heart live to be renewed.
Andrew |
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