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Thin Red Line
Contributed by
Forever_Now
on
Saturday, 22nd October 2005 @ 08:56:44 AM in AEST
Topic:
secrets
|
We will all burn out like a match
What is left of us will hang like smoke in the air
All our dreams will be tattooed on the wind
Dust will be calling will anyone care.
Lines will get drawn - this far no further
Mere markers in our own personal sand
All these dreams count for nothing
The thin red line gets drawn on my hand.
All thoughts must cease all voices fall still
Silence becomes us, not even a last forlorn sigh
Echoes of nothing are all that remain
When eyes stare blankly there is nowhere to hide.
Copyright ©
Forever_Now
... [
2005-10-22 08:56:44]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Thin Red Line
(User Rating: 1 )
by KaylaNoelHohn on
Saturday, 22nd October 2005 @ 01:10:34 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| Well Said.. |
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Re: Thin Red Line
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Saturday, 22nd October 2005 @ 09:58:03 PM AEST
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| this has a good rhyme scheme, a unique voice, and professionalism. those are all things i like in a poem. also there was much said in few words, and i always like vagueness incorporated into a poem. i did find that this poem lacked some transition from beginning to end, and didnt really have any verses that had a profound impact. sometimes being too vague, leaves a reader wondering what is the exact point of this poem being written, but there are good concepts to ponder in this. |
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Re: Thin Red Line
(User Rating: 1 )
by Sinfullilmissmuppet on
Tuesday, 25th October 2005 @ 09:23:00 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Hey you,
Thanx for commenting on my poem!
Your poem is so true and i geuss that makes it a bit unnerving to me.
Yes i just spelt guess wrong omg!!
Anyways good write!!
till next time
emz |
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