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Human
Contributed by
Scarletrayne
on
Sunday, 30th October 2005 @ 09:38:09 PM in AEST
Topic:
FriendshipPoetry
|
I've lied, and I've
hidden, I've been
pretending to be
someone I'm not
dressing up with layers,
scared you won't like
who's underneath,
I'm just flesh, skin and
bone, I'm human,
I can't be fearless.
I've tried, god, have I tried,
but for every tear drop
confined, a drop of blood
falls in its place.
I can't be perfect,
I wanted to be, for you,
I wanted to be everything
you needed, but I don't
know if I can,
I want to.
I'm just not as
strong as I say,
and pretend to be.
Copyright ©
Scarletrayne
... [
2005-10-30 21:38:09]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Human
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Sunday, 30th October 2005 @ 10:01:02 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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this topic has really been overdone, because almost everyone does it, and the only way to make the topic your own and refresh it is to incorporate more originality and creativity in this. with writing about an unoriginal topic, bringing your own unique individuality into this is what will make it stand out from others. i liked your title in this most of all, because most people dont see this as being human. i think some of the things you did have working for this poem were how you broke off the lines, and you didnt keep a stagnant style. i think if you used more of this,
"but for every tear drop
confined, a drop of blood
falls in its place." it could really make this poem more unique. i also think that adding more emotion to this could add more individuality. maybe even adding the things you think they wont like about you, to make it even more of your own.
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