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Trampled Princess
Contributed by
evilfairy
on
Wednesday, 2nd November 2005 @ 09:50:18 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Poor little trampled Princess
Crying into her champagne
The girls wont let her play
The boys arent chasing for catch and kiss
So shes gonna make them pay
Shes running away!
To far-off places
With far-fetched dreams
Didnt you listen when they said
Its not as green there as it seems?
She sits inside her empty space
Princess has her bags all packed
With boxes at the door
This will make them think about
Things they shouldve thought before
She waits and waits
Checks the phones still on the hook.
She stands up and she paces
Wondering how long its gonna take
Till they beg her not to go to distant places
She goes to crowded parties
And sits sulking in the corner
She peers over her shoulder
To check out who is watching
But no-one appears to bother
Her friends are wondering why
Shes got so out of sorts
So they let her have some breathing room
But the loneliness is choking her
And she wants out of her secluded tomb
Back at home she sits and thinks
Why cant people see what is happening?
With tears enough to fill a sea
Her vision blurs the images
Of people dying on TV
Trampled Princess travels to work
She sits in her station, sullen so people will notice
But they just tell her, cheer up, dont frown
And can she copy these, and file all those
And will she need a lift back into town?
With a scream she jumps up
And flees from the scene
Her friends gather around the window
Watching helplessly, saying: When she needs help
Shell ask for it, I know.
MW 02.11.05
Copyright ©
evilfairy
... [
2005-11-02 21:50:18]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Trampled Princess
(User Rating: 1 )
by SeanMcHaney on
Wednesday, 2nd November 2005 @ 10:06:40 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Is this real? Do you need help? |
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Re: Trampled Princess
(User Rating: 1 )
by evilfairy on
Wednesday, 2nd November 2005 @ 10:11:11 PM AEST
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| No - it's not about me. Thanks tho |
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Re: Trampled Princess
(User Rating: 1 )
by ever1der on
Wednesday, 2nd November 2005 @ 10:20:02 PM AEST
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a Message)
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This was great as to content, but I found it a little ragged along the edges.. the music was just off-beat a tad in places.
I hate the expression "forced rhyme" but in some places I see extraordinarily long lines .. which seems to throw the beat off a tad. The content was great though.
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Re: Trampled Princess
(User Rating: 1 )
by evilfairy on
Wednesday, 2nd November 2005 @ 10:25:03 PM AEST
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I agree with you about my poem.
It was written in haste last night because the words were tumbling out. And I cringe at the thought of such unfinished rhythm...because if you read my other work I'm pretty much a stickler for that kind of thing...
It's also one of those poems where you start writing meaning to say one thing, and then the poem takes over and veers off into another direction...leaving you feeling kind of disatisfied.
Thanks for the comment tho - i don't mind constructive criticism (well - not too much anyway!) |
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Re: Trampled Princess
(User Rating: 1 )
by Sinfullilmissmuppet on
Thursday, 3rd November 2005 @ 03:16:23 AM AEST
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hey,
this is me
this is me its sooo scary
u like just stripped my soul
im amazed
sorry this sounds so self centred
but far out
ur pshycic
im gunna go cry now
good write
fark oath!!!
im just bewildered
till next time
emz |
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Re: Trampled Princess
(User Rating: 1 )
by nannerz on
Monday, 7th November 2005 @ 10:05:29 PM AEST
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This was a wicked awsome write, very sad yet good :) keep it up
Nannez |
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Re: Trampled Princess
(User Rating: 1 )
by sicknivesevered on
Saturday, 4th February 2006 @ 10:56:47 PM AEST
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| Wow. Badass write. I like the 5th stanza the best. Girls (and guys) like this need to stop being so damn introverted. Subtle hints don't work. Hints don't work. Blatant hints don't work. Just freakin' talk to someone and tell them the truth. You're lonely, ok so what? Everybody's lonely sometime. It's not that hard to reach out and find someone. My god. Arg. Anyway, excellent job. |
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