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TIME to SHINE
Contributed by
lostrelic
on
Monday, 7th November 2005 @ 04:12:01 PM in AEST
Topic:
dedicatedpoems
|
Picture black the screen so lack this image so surreal
Faded negatives distorted views
the spectrum easy to peel
faded track this sacrament
picturesque equality feelings of lost time
darkened doors and bleeding sores
they sell there souls so fine
from a trick to their bloody treat
there rythem slowly blinds
Faded blue and so untrue
this hope of glory fades
from darkened doors to hidden sores
there meaning to their graves
From this day i truely rest
this haunting in my mind
in my heart a deeper thump
i think its time i shined
From faded sores to brightened doors
i think its time you
shined
Copyright ©
lostrelic
... [
2005-11-07 16:12:01]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: TIME to SHINE
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Monday, 7th November 2005 @ 04:19:20 PM AEST
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I like this, but it feels a little disjointed. The flow could use some work. It has an excellent theme, though, compelling. And I like the ending. Keep it up.
Andrew |
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Re: TIME to SHINE
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostrelic on
Monday, 7th November 2005 @ 04:24:03 PM AEST
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| i wrote it this way my poems seem to flow the same so i am trying to abstract my flow i hope that helps |
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Re: TIME to SHINE
(User Rating: 1 )
by candysears on
Monday, 7th November 2005 @ 06:29:29 PM AEST
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I love this write...
God Bless! |
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Re: TIME to SHINE
(User Rating: 1 )
by Eternal_Dreamer on
Monday, 7th November 2005 @ 07:42:17 PM AEST
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Reagan it's always a pleasure to read your remarkable work. You're a talented poet who can write an outstanding write every time.
From this day i truely rest
this haunting in my mind
in my heart a deeper thump
i think its time i shined
Absolutely awesome. Keep up the great work.
*hugs*
sue
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Re: TIME to SHINE
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 7th November 2005 @ 08:08:30 PM AEST
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Almost complex, definitely a pleasure to read. Reeled me in, and I loved the ending, great write. Can't wait for more.
-Cassy |
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Re: TIME to SHINE
(User Rating: 1 )
by brew on
Monday, 7th November 2005 @ 09:46:54 PM AEST
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Very differ read, and yes, I agree with Andrew.it did flow, and the end was maginificent.! The whole, was good. I am like yourself, i write a lil more in abstract, yet it could be broken down. Alot do not understand abstract, or may I say feelings deep within. I write, ALL straight from the heart.! Keep posting.
Brew~ |
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Re: TIME to SHINE
(User Rating: 1 )
by hoist1atca on
Tuesday, 8th November 2005 @ 12:38:18 AM AEST
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Well written-
You seem to have found your reason to leave
behind a darkness that caused you pain-
And now you seek the light-
Had I only this much will-power and tallent...
Joe |
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