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Futility, Body and Soul
Contributed by
Eve
on
Monday, 14th November 2005 @ 11:27:28 PM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
I'm down to four hours of sleep
Haunted by the dreams you weave
Needing, but not wanting to think of you, devoutly.
I know you need me to be a constant
And that's why I should want to leave
So you can learn to live, without me.
Let's save ourselves pain later
And just kill ourselves now.
So we intertwine our fingers about the handle of the gun
Wish ourselves in afterlife dreams that seem bigger
And think the precise time we'll be arriving.
Unfortunately neither of us
Knew how to pull the trigger
So I guess we died trying.
Copyright ©
Eve
... [
2005-11-14 23:27:28]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Futility, Body and Soul
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Thursday, 17th November 2005 @ 07:46:57 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Hmmm, I don't quite understand this.
I like those last three lines, they make me wonder what the poem is really about.
I like the structure here, it's different to many. So many use the same one. I see so many poems that look, and sound alike. It's nice to see a unique one.
Just wondering, though... Is the third stannza meant to be off to one side like that?
Anyway,
Great write.
*hugs*
Phil xxx |
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Re: Futility, Body and Soul
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 18th November 2005 @ 04:32:52 PM AEST
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Very clever!!!
I am curious to know if the "died trying"means you are still together...hmmmmm
a nicely woven piece! |
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Re: Futility, Body and Soul
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vitreous_Soul on
Thursday, 15th December 2005 @ 03:14:16 AM AEST
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I had to sit here in complete silence for a good five minutes before I could comment.
The piece reads like a crescendo, climaxing at the very end--an ending that will be etched in my memory for the rest of my days.
"Unfortunately neither of us
Knew how to pull the trigger
So I guess we died trying"
I'm at a loss for words, but as sure as my eyes welled with tears at the end of this, I know this is more than just great, more than just another poem. I've just read something truly special. Eve, you've out done yourself, and I mean that. Wriing like this is why I love poetry. I feel honored to have read it.
Keep writing (so I can be around for the next masterpiece),
-V.S. |
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