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cloud 6
Contributed by
SmileSkinDeep
on
Wednesday, 16th November 2005 @ 09:14:42 PM in AEST
Topic:
StoryPoetry
|
when rain stings my face
when my eyes refuse to cry
when i had realized what a mistake i had made
i couldn't just give up and die
the sirens in the distance
i pray they're not for me
press my hands together
i wonder where i could be
hiding in the shadows
i cant believe this life is mine
so i keep on running
running out of time
my legs are numb
i cant feel the pain
but i think of the consequesces
merciless as the rain
lightening
the sky lights up
my only ray of hope
wondering what to do
just glad i'm not alone
everything gets further away
as the sun begs to rise
the clouds in its place
i'm still half-alive
getting tired fast
this hope wont last
when the rain washes away
just forget; its all in the past
Copyright ©
SmileSkinDeep
... [
2005-11-16 21:14:42]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: cloud 6
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 16th November 2005 @ 09:19:58 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| oo i really like you poem..very well written |
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Re: cloud 6
(User Rating: 1 )
by Ari on
Wednesday, 16th November 2005 @ 10:46:09 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Nice poem, great rhyming scheme.
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Re: cloud 6
(User Rating: 1 )
by In_a_while on
Thursday, 17th November 2005 @ 03:31:03 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Very wonderfully written! One stanza flowed nicely
into the next and the rhyming was excellent as well.
my favourite stanza was:
hiding in the shadows
i cant believe this life is mine
so i keep on running
running out of time
very dark and wrought with desperation
keep up the excellent writing. |
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Re: cloud 6
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Friday, 18th November 2005 @ 07:52:26 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Gracefully written, and your words are well-chosen. I like that this is not bogged down in the attempt to be poetry, and thus feels natural, and all the more poetic. Keep writing.
Andrew |
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