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Raked Hands
Contributed by
Bohemian_with_a_pen
on
Tuesday, 6th December 2005 @ 03:54:18 PM in AEST
Topic:
obsession
|
Locked inside your rake like hands
Pulled apart by your ludicrous plans
Watched and weighed
forever judged
The line of insanity
has been smudged
Forcing me to stare into the mirror of lies
ignoring my pleas, ignoring my cries
abuse me until i see the truth
that i am nothing:
a failure of youth.
You rape my soul and tear my heart
drag me screaming back to the start
You're my worst enemy
my best ever friend
hating each minute, but
never wanting it to end
Slowly starving to survive
against you:
with your unforgiving eyes.
Copyright ©
Bohemian_with_a_pen
... [
2005-12-06 15:54:18]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Raked Hands
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Tuesday, 6th December 2005 @ 04:20:38 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Excellent language. This is very vivid.
Nicely done.
Andrew |
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Re: Raked Hands
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dark_and_Cold on
Tuesday, 6th December 2005 @ 04:46:33 PM AEST
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I like the understated and underlying emotional appeal in this. Great Job.
Brandin |
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Re: Raked Hands
(User Rating: 1 )
by weepingprophet on
Tuesday, 6th December 2005 @ 07:26:30 PM AEST
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Beauty=delighting the senses or exciting intellectual or emotional admiration. This is the perfect discription of your write. I am always so pleasantly surprised to see your username under an intriguingly titled poem. You have a style that is simple and brilliant but layered so deeply that I can draw a million conclusions from a single line. I found this piece so remarkably accurate to what I took it for. To me, lines like "watched and weighed" and "slowly starving to survive" are an attempt to capture the justice in eating disorders. There are so many reasons beyond what people will take when you say " I'm anorexic" or some other bull***** that's supposed to help you recognize your problem and recover. At least that was one of the many bogus exercises that many of my shrinks tried to "heal" me with. Am I the only one who believes that sickness can beautiful? Also, back to your piece, "you're my worst enemy my best ever friend, hating each minute but never wanting it to end." This said two things to me. It was a depiction of an eating disorder (something i assumed/gathered from a previous write of yours) but also the relationship of which you spoke of in "If You Wish It". Hating someone who is an enemy to your eating disorder at times that someone is the side of you that knows you're dying and sometimes that someone is a significant person in your life. I think i'll shut up now because I could very well write three freaking pages of this rambling. Anyways, this piece was exquisite as you can see it came across very layered to me. I love it. Consider me a fan.
~until she slipped with the blade
faulty hands on tender skin
the freshest cut
seeping in
to the blouse
she'll be fine without
without your help
you can't help~(an excerpt from "what's left?")WEEPINGPROPHET |
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Re: Raked Hands
(User Rating: 1 )
by waos on
Tuesday, 6th December 2005 @ 11:24:30 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I am a fan of your poetry. It's got a deeper, carefully worded
style that shows talent and effort. It's not pasted from your day's
description (though some people need that yes), you have poetry
there. And I love it.
The lines:
"abuse me until i see the truth
that i am nothing:
a failure of youth."
sounded gorgeous in my mind.
"rake like hands" - great imagery.
"mirror of lies" - I definitely don't want to see myself that honestly.
Just overall great job.
~Kara~~Waos~ |
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Re: Raked Hands
(User Rating: 1 )
by Eternal_Dreamer on
Thursday, 8th December 2005 @ 12:34:34 AM AEST
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a Message)
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WoW the my other fellow poets have summed it all up. Absolutely brilliant. True talent on display. Your work is phenomenal.
Well done on such a brilliant piece of poetry.
*hugs*
~sue~ |
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Re: Raked Hands
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jackee_line on
Monday, 23rd October 2006 @ 05:06:54 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| well done |
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