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My Unfinished Poetry
Contributed by
Channing
on
Monday, 12th December 2005 @ 09:01:04 PM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
You make the waves crash
You sweep the breeze through the sea
You are never rash
You set the helpless free
Its you Ive always loved
Since we were very young
For it was I you shoved
And to me you first sung
You give the sunset color
You smell of endless rose
You never make things duller
You, the one to whom I propose
Your eyes gawk the ring
At this I become confused
Then your voice delivers the crushing
For Im the one youve always used
You crush my heart
You, I still love
You that shall never depart
You that wear me like a glove
I know not why I stay
Maybe to redeem our glory
And today I bring you a bouquet
For you remain my unfinished poetry
-Channing-
Copyright ©
Channing
... [
2005-12-12 21:01:04]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: My Unfinished Poetry
(User Rating: 1 )
by justme03 on
Monday, 12th December 2005 @ 09:16:42 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| its rather good but i think you used the word "you" to much. try refraseing the sentences making them start differently or something. other then that i liked it |
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