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untitled
Contributed by
Faust
on
Monday, 19th December 2005 @ 12:44:03 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Show me mercy saintly fates,
for what I have felt.
For how I lived me life
with the cards I was delt.
I feel the sadows growing
as my life shrinks.
Of the feelings I'm showing,
I fear what others think.
I know that my lives thread
is being wound tight.
Oh the horrors, the dread
of dreams that come of night.
They draw their bloody shears
to cut down my life.
How they taunt me with my fears
and fill my life with strife.
As they cut my lives string
I scream into the night.
My twisted mind lets me hear
thier shrieking, triumphant laugh.
Their sounds linger in my ears
like a horrid funeral bell.
While I walk down the path
leading me to hell.
Copyright ©
Faust
... [
2005-12-19 12:44:03]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: untitled
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 19th December 2005 @ 01:28:18 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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Some of the lines in here are wonderfully original, like "Their sounds linger in my ears
like a horrid funeral bell."
while some are less so, ;"For how I lived me life
with the cards I was delt."
as if you were trying to help the rhyme scheme. My point is you have a great potential for uniqueness and originality, all part of a great contemporary write. Use them to thier full potential and you will be great! |
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Re: untitled
(User Rating: 1 )
by Eternal_Dreamer on
Monday, 19th December 2005 @ 03:51:15 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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This is a remarkable piece of poetry. The rhyme and flow are absolutely sensational. An excellent and very well penned piece of poetry. Well done and thanks so much for sharing ur great work with us. Keep it up.
*hugs*
~sue~ |
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