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Youth of Today
Contributed by
chibimiroku
on
Monday, 19th December 2005 @ 09:59:16 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
We run, we jump We play, we scream We yell, we whine Weve learned to complain about uneven teams.
We study, we learn We trudge to our schools We hitch rides on our way back Weve learned to use others as tools.
We walk, we jog We drive in big rings We take long shopping trips Weve learned to buy unneeded things.
We lie, we cheat We engage in shady dealings We hurry, we demand Weve learned not to care For other peoples feelings.
We learn to read, we learn to write We learn to walk straight, we learn to stand tall. We learn how to think, we learn how to talk Weve, in the end, learned nothing at all.
Copyright ©
chibimiroku
... [
2005-12-19 21:59:16] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Youth of Today
(User Rating: 1 ) by Essentially9 on
Monday, 19th December 2005 @ 10:08:00 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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excellent ending. of course what i have learned from all the whining is the person doing it will get sent to the hospital. but so true with the first stanza, being on a soccer team its insane how much that happens. as for the style of this, i think you showed elements of originality and being able to use a twist and that using so much anaphora downplays that and the rhythm. i think you can also keep a more strict rhyme scheme together. |
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Re: Youth of Today
(User Rating: 1 ) by GAMEchief on
Monday, 8th January 2007 @ 03:56:58 PM AEST (User
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Well, while I do tend to complain about uneven teams, I do not use others as tools, buy unneeded things, or disregard other people's feelings. If I ever did any of those things (especially the first and last), I'd feel so guilty I wouldn't be able to live with myself.
Maybe I've learned something. This poem makes me feel good about myself, though. |
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Re: Youth of Today
(User Rating: 1 ) by thefemalemind on
Monday, 8th January 2007 @ 04:25:41 PM AEST (User
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wow. actually i think this is pretty good.
For me is pretty much true...
nice job:)
-tfm |
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Re: Youth of Today
(User Rating: 1 ) by stephiesan on
Monday, 8th January 2007 @ 06:36:14 PM AEST (User
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Nice Poem. It's really sad though, but I think that you are really good at writting poetry. Thanks for sharing. |
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