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Memory
Contributed by
Poser
on
Tuesday, 27th December 2005 @ 02:04:16 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
The memory of you
crying in my arms
torments my brain.
The tears burn my skin.
What do they symbolize?
Are they a ploy
to get me closer...
to see if I shall weep too?
Do I remind you
too much of him?
As you lie in my arms
A single tear roles
down my cheek
exploding onto your nose.
You look up,
We gaze into each others
eyes, wondering why?
I cannot hold your gaze for long,
for soon my eyes will be filled with
the watery sadness,
I know that
your love will not be mine for long,
it can't be, you still yurn for him.
I just want to be able to hold you
for at least one more night.
Copyright ©
Poser
... [
2005-12-27 14:04:16]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Memory
(User Rating: 1 )
by Butterflygirl40 on
Tuesday, 27th December 2005 @ 02:08:51 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| very sad but this was a very good poem! |
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Re: Memory
(User Rating: 1 )
by BEBE on
Tuesday, 27th December 2005 @ 02:56:46 PM AEST
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aww that is really sad, i don know how it feels to be in your situation, but i can sortof imagine how it feels through your words. Great emotional piece!
BEBE |
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Re: Memory
(User Rating: 1 )
by Sophie_Taylor on
Tuesday, 27th December 2005 @ 06:31:58 PM AEST
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great write
powerfull and meaningfull
sophie xoxo |
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Re: Memory
(User Rating: 1 )
by NoSaint on
Tuesday, 27th December 2005 @ 06:38:29 PM AEST
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bittersweet well written
NS |
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Re: Memory
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Wednesday, 28th December 2005 @ 07:48:31 AM AEST
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Not at all bad. I like the first and second stanzas best, I think (though of course it doesn't do to slice and dice a poem), and the image of the third stanza is also good.
I do feel that the lines
for soon my eyes will be filled with
the watery sadness,
are a bit weak; perhaps start out with something other than the words " eyes filled with _____" (a very often-used structure to describe tears), and a better image will suggest itself.
Keep writing, and have fun!
Andrew |
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Re: Memory
(User Rating: 1 )
by allie_07 on
Friday, 18th March 2011 @ 01:58:37 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| heartbreaking, yet very moving. |
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