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Final Repent
Contributed by
Bohemian_with_a_pen
on
Wednesday, 4th January 2006 @ 08:14:37 AM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
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As I lit the first sacred flame
You were waiting by the shore
By the bloodletting of the moon
You were broken upon the floor
And it's laughter that pierces my silent tomb
Crying's such a melodious sound
Satan's too low to drop any farther
Angels will always fall to the ground
Caressing my broken butterfly wings
You left me unable to cheat
I starved, I strived, and I struggled
But ended silent in my defeat
It was you who branded me lonely
And it's you who will die by these words
I'm drowning slowly to save you
But failure has left me disturbed
Now you must lick these blades off my wrist
Swallow them down with my pain
Devour this noose around my neck
Consume the hurt from these veins
Give me a reason to remember to breathe
But don't take me to where you call Home
I am no longer who I used to be
It's so much easier to die alone
Copyright ©
Bohemian_with_a_pen
... [
2006-01-04 08:14:37]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Final Repent
(User Rating: 1 )
by dc on
Wednesday, 4th January 2006 @ 09:17:44 AM AEST
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| Beautifully sad -nice write |
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Re: Final Repent
(User Rating: 1 )
by djs on
Wednesday, 4th January 2006 @ 12:26:01 PM AEST
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| WOW. This is poem speaks loudly of sadness and even anger. I like the word combinations you use. You managed to make the entire poem flow nicely without sacrificing the content. Nice job. |
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Re: Final Repent
(User Rating: 1 )
by weepingprophet on
Tuesday, 31st January 2006 @ 01:16:23 PM AEST
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The titled is perfect in informing its readers! I was anxious to read this one and I am so glad that I did! The opening line was bold and full of imagery I could picture a small girl wasting away lighting a dull cigarette in habit. That distant boy by the shore not completely recognizable because it's dark and cloudy. "you were broken upon the floor" i could picture you stumbling into your empty room after watching his shillhouette for hours and finding that he was in your room broken, cover everything with himself. "and it's laughter that pierces my silent tomb" how descriptive it gave me chills. I could hear the cackling of all those who condemn you, and those who "love" you the way it kills a hurting person to see happiness. laughter showing you that your tears are alone and that you are left out of this "joke" this secret of "joy".
"crying's such a melodious sound" i can hear it in a song, that weeping that penetrates the bones but brins some feeble satisfaction to the weeping. "Satan's too low to drop any farther" i can see your eyes so blank and numb, that cigarette burning your fingers, still you remain unaware. calloused and dead inside satan isn't a threat he's not an adversary any longer.
angels will always fall to the ground" hope is represented in these angels and you're hopeless now, looking at reality hope seems impossible, seems fake. not to mention your own personal hope/angel-him-
"caressing my broken butterfly wings" i get the sense that these wings represent your freedom and your ambition and that now those two things and what made them possible is broken rendering you somewhat more broken as well. "you left me unable to cheat" perhaps he revealed the truth to you and left you unable to pretend that lies are acceotable, unable to cheat your way through life by saying pleasure is pain. now you know what true love is and what happiness is and you can't cheat anymore, cna't deny it and twist it around. (now you're angry) this guy has taken everyhting from you, stripped you bare and then refused to see you as you were exposed."I starved, I strived and I struggled" there's another angry line. look at all you've done just to reach him to be perfect for him to be perfect for yourself but now that hope is broken and love is fading what does it matter what does it mean anymore?! "But ended silent in my defeat"that cold and hard resolve so bitter that you gag on it. so honest that you have to gasp for breath. "it was you who branded me lonely" beautiful choice of words there "branded" i love that it has so much symbolism to it. branded (cutting is a form of branding) but also picturing a man taking a hot steal rod and searing an image into you, a title a description, an opinion. "and it's you who will die by these words" you're letting yourself go because you have lost hope in the fact that you are someone and you are something worthy of suffering worthy of endurance. "i'm drowning slowly to save you" i can picture your feet treaing water, exhausted from the swim, tired of fighting the endless undertow. "but failure has left me disturbed" you had given up in the water stopped struggling for life, conciously trying to give into death but someone somewhere scooped you up out of that, whether it be a divine miracle of your own memories. that failure to end life has left you morbidly obsessing over the closeness. "now you must lick these blades off my wrist" how elegantly stated "lick" original and descriptively put. this shows the length he must go to in order to save you from what your mind has created as the situation. he must "lick"/"cleanse" your wounds."swallow them down with my pain" you want him to experience what you do in order for him to understand why you do what you do, so he can accurately help you, rescue you."devour this noose around my neck" you want him to embrace what you've been reduced to. "consume the hurt from these veins" i have an image of him ravenously sucking at your wrist, coughing, choking on the poison in your veins the bitter pain."give me a reason to remember to breath" the write, until this point, has been standards, commands that he must live up to and follow in order to acheive this line "give me a reason to remember to breath"
"but don't take me to where you call Home" you want something new and fresh if he can follow all of your orders if he can save you, you want him and him alone. "i am no longer who i used to be" you have experienced the loss of hope the inability to save yourself and the presence at the edge of death."it's so much easier to die alone" if he cannot do what you ask indirectly, then you will take comfort in death. he will have rejected you and not you denying yourself of him making it easier to die without the emotional attachment of his love.
the entire piece was captivating and descriptive. my favorite stanza was"Now you must lick these blades off my wrist
Swallow them down with my pain
Devour this noose around my neck
Consume the hurt from these veins"
i have never read a more perfect stanza!
~your name is etched in my arm as subtly as the knife in my back~weepingprophet
REMEMBER TO FIGHT BACK NEVER GIVE UP AND ALWAYS ALLOW YOURSELF THE POWER THAT IS GRANTED TO YOU THROUGH YOUR PASSION!!!!!STAY STRONG |
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Re: Final Repent
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 6th March 2006 @ 08:41:15 AM AEST
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| wow very strong and sad. I can feel your pain here. I know exactly how you feel b/c i once felt the same way. Hope things get better great write and thanks for sharing |
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Re: Final Repent
(User Rating: 1 )
by inoc on
Monday, 8th May 2006 @ 02:50:46 AM AEST
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| A touching write, thanks for this one...coni |
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