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Trapped
Contributed by
RavenEnsued
on
Friday, 27th January 2006 @ 09:40:50 PM in AEST
Topic:
Suicide
|
Ripped apart inside
Feelings bound too tight
Clenching my stomach
Trying to avoid the light
No point in trying to scream
My throat is too dry
As though I have been crying
As though I might be dying
Im trapped within myself
Watching as my life passes by
Hoping that once and for all
I will die
Copyright ©
RavenEnsued
... [
2006-01-27 21:40:50]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Trapped
(User Rating: 1 )
by Butterflygirl40 on
Friday, 27th January 2006 @ 09:43:43 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| this was a good poem |
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Re: Trapped
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Friday, 27th January 2006 @ 09:47:30 PM AEST
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a Message)
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very sad write
Michelle |
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Re: Trapped
(User Rating: 1 )
by TheSpiritx on
Saturday, 28th January 2006 @ 10:04:05 PM AEST
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a Message)
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A nice, short poem.
With the three stanzas, your rhyming device worked out pretty well and the flow of the poem is smooth.
The second stanza takes a break from the pattern both in rhyme and in general diction - the use of repetition is effective.
You bring it back to the original rhyme scheme in the third stanza and the hit the reader with the last line, short and to the point, standing in stark contrast to the rest of the poem because of the mismatch in syllables and line length.
As for content of the poem - the actual words and meaning - I find these also effective. I can relate to how you feel here and so your message is clearly enunciated.
Nice work, Raven. |
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Re: Trapped
(User Rating: 1 )
by from_first_to_last on
Sunday, 29th January 2006 @ 11:07:43 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
its short but still is very emotional. i luved it alot .great write
luv skittles |
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Re: Trapped
(User Rating: 1 )
by ale5shr on
Tuesday, 31st January 2006 @ 09:43:35 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
| good write. totally gets the point across. loved it. keep it up. |
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