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Footsteps
Contributed by
themonk
on
Tuesday, 21st February 2006 @ 01:37:21 PM in AEST
Topic:
abstract
|
The door closes, the keys rattle.
My heart jumps, you're here.
I sat in this room waiting,
But wait I shall no more,
You've came.
I can anticipate your smile,
Knowing it will shed me warmth.
Lift me out of this rotting cage,
Break my chains and set me free.
Your footsteps beat on the wooden floor.
Your movement slow and confidant.
please open this iron door,
So I may see the hope you bring.
Your footsteps continue down the hall
Right outside my door.
They clutter about, going in circles.
Dropping the keys, as metal splashes.
And it starts to rain outside my window.
The knob rattles, pauses, and then ....silence.
Your seem to hesitate....
Turning to your right, opening doors to
Your dreams and slam it shut.
I sigh, burying my head, waiting for you
To come agian.
comments please....
Copyright ©
themonk
... [
2006-02-21 13:37:21]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Footsteps
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Tuesday, 21st February 2006 @ 03:36:48 PM AEST
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a Message)
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vivid and emotive I enjoyed it
Michelle |
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Re: Footsteps
(User Rating: 1 )
by Gigi_15 on
Tuesday, 21st February 2006 @ 05:22:10 PM AEST
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a Message)
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awesome poem!! it's wonderful ..keep the hope up..and ur great write..
-gigi |
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Re: Footsteps
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Tuesday, 21st February 2006 @ 07:00:11 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Imaginative and very well-expressed. You've done some good stuff here. I especially like the way the poem opens (though the last line of that stanza should be "You've come" rather than came).
One thing done well is the description. The picture should always be painted well, but there's a balance needed to avoid bogging the piece down. You struck that pretty well here. Keep it up!
Andrew |
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Re: Footsteps
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Tuesday, 21st February 2006 @ 09:31:22 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Incredible writing. U set your scene well.
huggs,
emy |
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