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Less Then An Ode
Contributed by
Reese
on
Sunday, 26th February 2006 @ 05:09:01 PM in AEST
Topic:
ApologyPoetry
|
Less Then An Ode To My Family
So if you lied for attention just like me
think where itll get you besides on your knees
waking up to a sunrise with nothing but regret
the time you regret when asking for love
Am I mother, it could be
Im not insensitive nor am I mean
I just long for something real
take some upon me o please
a mother who lies
a father who yells
a brother so gone
a sister to tell
to speak upon the only that truly loves me
to tell her everything they do to hurt me
conversation lies bare between him and I
my father and I really have only space between us
were never close or could he trust
and my mother by this time is too messed up
so tell me now what did you think
that a wave of love
a wave of hope
a wave of laughter
might just cure your moap
I wonder sometimes
what if I died instead of anyone else
cause when I wonder I dont seem to cry
not because Im heartless
not because I dont care
but maybe the fact no love fills this air
so tell me o mommy what do you think of me
am I still your angel, your little sweet pea
and tell me dear daddy
what do you hate about me
is it that I was never what you wished me to be
or could it be that in me its mommy you see
when you left and we moved away
you possibly let go of me for more then that day
tell me please sissy why do you love me
for you love him so strong
as I doubt that very man above
and tell me missing brother
why did you leave
is it that your honestly happy
or you just couldnt take it and too impaired to see
was I always the
that one day you hoped would break
when my family said they cared
I realize most the time it was the biggest fake
so again to the reader just what did you think
that life would be better if it was love to drink
lied for attention I wanted them to care
I lied to the people of a higher chair
now things wont be the same
cause Im still that lonely girl
as I continue to write this, I really want to hurl
I blame myself for never having the guts
when talking to someone should have been a must
I lost my brother
I lost my friends
I lost the love
the things that should be there from beginning to end
I just wanted attention
I got it in a wrong way this time
I never wanted to walk in too big of shoes
soon he says Ill be a memory
my daddy you say what I wish would go away
the things that break me down
though instead I keep trying to fight this frown
so tell me my reader
is this too much dismay
for your much smarter I must say
you could still collapse your hands and begin to pray
and tomorrow you can see only a brighter day
my guilt my shame has got me good
I wanted more love but what I got was less
I could say sorry but its never enough
to the people I once had trust
though now my father seems to be right
here I sit so out of bounds
and this clock to my left starts a countdown
until my world, he says, just falls apart
when nothing will grab a hold of my tender heart
this man he continues to tell me
itll all crash down and down to the ground
Ill fall right down
this room is getting darker
a shade so close to me
one I remember one that scares me
when the thought of disapperence
the thought of losing myself
becomes a little stronger then the punch of Ali
just tell me one thing
where do I find a glove just right
not too big not too tight
a pair of gloves to fit just right
where do I find love from someone to me
tell me my split family
is it not the same you look at me
or will my heart skip those precious beats
though it feels three times faster
with each and every beat
the tears are flowing
I cant seem to find the heat
to the one that gave birth to me
the one who will watch me cry constantly
I still dont know why we never got along
I believe though we sang two different songs
each with lyrics way beyond me
so tell me my mommy
what cant you stand about me
though the list might be easier
then what you like about me
we know you lie and we know you cry
now how much vodka will it take
to burn your throat and stop the cry
you smoke too much
you drink till the liquor is a part of you
it is love you claim to have upon me
but if you truly loved me
why would the secrets be something I cant see
my parents must you see
there is actually beauty in all life
way behind the lies and cries
far beyond the mourn when a loved one dies
even beyond the hurt and shame
this family is split enough daddy
how much more do you need to see
stop claiming you dont care, and begin to shrug
Ill give you twenty seconds to reconsider this let go
do you want me gone too
youve lost a son
a married life
soon youll lose a daughter
what will happen when the drugs are low
the girlfriend is no longer that glow
when youve got nothing left
you heart will strike down and blow fuses
here I continue to sit on the sidelines
wondering what I did to vanish this love in me
is it just me and Im too blind to see
may it be that even just I can see the rain coming down
or that I manage to see the glory in every breakdown
the love in my forgiveness
seems something less then great to you
this naive sense I have with too much hope
I want to find a clear path to a new home
so goodbye my daddy
I hope you apologize and your son forgive you
so goodbye my mommy
I hope you become sober and strong enough to think
o may I say this is really true hurt
so goodbye my brother
I hope you too find your way home
I dont blame you if you really dont forgive daddy
so goodbye my sister
I hope you get as far as you can in life
I also hope you understand Im happy to have your love
and goodbye my past
I hope Im stronger now and finding some hope
I hope I ask for forgiveness
I rely on finding the right words
just to tell my family how sad it was for love to be dead
so tell me my reader
was it what you expected it to be
a lack of love
a lack of hope
a love of forgiveness
and still that lie doesnt cure your mope
this is my hurting apology
this is my less then an ode to my family
Copyright ©
Reese
... [
2006-02-26 17:09:01]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Less Then An Ode
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 26th February 2006 @ 06:33:58 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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| Long but sincere. Chris. |
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