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sticks and fabric
Contributed by
SensitiveSoAbused
on
Monday, 27th February 2006 @ 07:48:49 PM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
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I walk through torn doors with heavy steps, into a cold room with desaturated sticks and fabric, chairs and tables with nothing but icicles of my eyes.
And I know I am alone. Wishes and hope, all it is, clouds on a bluescape, grass and daisies of a child squinting his eyes tightly shut. And though I try with my mind, I sleep alone and not with anyone but myself.
And does it matter even, because always I will wander, entertaining doomed fantasies over fiery explosions and smoke in my eyes.
Do you doublethink?? Yes, but I dont, so no.
Stepping blindly and not looking at what I know but convince myself doesnt exist.
And though I try with my mind, I sleep alone and not with anyone but myself.
Punch me and puke with me you are disgusted I have no faith. I lie to myself. I am translucent and flimsy, a shanty in a gale, pretending its a breeze.
I dont ever want to think of you like of them Your words and your face I resent and loathe with an angry heart betrayed. The laugh I loved impales me, many knives and your nails sunk in my soft flesh as I buckle.
Erase them all and empty my inboxes. Delete your pictures and your poems. Grate my teeth with gated eyes, furied tears id never think
A vow and welcome back to the cold.
And of this I always fear... Tremble and deny, an icicle and cold fingers, no proof ever of an affirmation of anything except pain.
And so I continue to cheat myself, solitaire with a deck with no aces, affixing helium balloons with silly string, stinging repulsion of myself for not trusting you or that youre real.
Still five minutes before my shift, I jog upstairs, deposit my bags on the floor with a crunch, and I begin to search for the whipped cream dispenser. Behind cornstarch, rows of tofu or quaint jugs of authentic Canadian maple syrup. Im not looking for 36%, its time for WHIPPITS!! Its simple: A Co2 tube and a dispenser. Inhale. Release slowly. Repeat as necessary.
Ok, now Im lightheaded, I don an apron and stumble downstairs.
Five minutes later Ive got a piercing headache.
Gee, that was fun.
[2006-02-24 23:34:38]
Copyright ©
SensitiveSoAbused
... [
2006-02-27 19:48:49] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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