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While Silence Blossoms on my Lips
Contributed by
eggflipper
on
Wednesday, 1st March 2006 @ 01:52:53 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
While silence blossoms on my lips,
the echos prevade the conscious
like fireflies in our tree.
A search for meaning
giving rise to nothing meaningful,
a disconnect with experience.
Love is the great binding agent
that clings us to today.
Today is the link who perceives the past
and allows for a future.
Yet I perceive nothing before you
except emotional ties to dreams.
The future is hope filled
that the disconnect will be tied
and bonded together with the past
and these reflections of today
we see in the mirrors.
Today is and will be spent
with eyes open.
One day I hope
to see all those fireflies.
Perhaps,
finally,
today is that day.
How do I define my-self
when lost,
and thoughts
are not allowed root.
How does the wolf hunt
when she does not
allow herself to teach.
Self inflicted scars
show no merit,
lead only to that disconnect.
It's hard to see the forest
through all the trees,
and isn't that the problem,
art for art's sake.
Sacrifical torment leads
to no Great Inspiration.
Esoteric astectics cannot
be fully trusted.
Yet with a seasonal change,
firelfies light in my heart
and the path is hinted.
Now is the time
to go back
and realize the future.
One day I hope
to see all the fireflies.
Perhaps, finally,
today is that day.
Copyright ©
eggflipper
... [
2006-03-01 13:52:53]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: While Silence Blossoms on my Lips
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Wednesday, 1st March 2006 @ 01:57:28 PM AEST
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a Message)
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a flowing gem of words that left me with such a soft soulful feeling inside. the magic of fireflys ahhhhhh so beautiful.
Michelle |
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Re: While Silence Blossoms on my Lips
(User Rating: 1 )
by thesinner on
Wednesday, 1st March 2006 @ 04:47:38 PM AEST
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| Beautiful and soulfull. |
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Re: While Silence Blossoms on my Lips
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Wednesday, 1st March 2006 @ 11:38:35 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Beautiful |
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Re: While Silence Blossoms on my Lips
(User Rating: 1 )
by NoSaint on
Thursday, 2nd March 2006 @ 07:04:25 PM AEST
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lovely
Shari |
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Re: While Silence Blossoms on my Lips
(User Rating: 1 )
by heartstrings_unwound on
Friday, 27th November 2009 @ 03:01:48 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Concept: 8/10
Both literal and figurative references to nature used throughout in contrast to an unrelated theme? Most interesting. Utilizing fireflies as an expression of optimism? A tad cliche. Nonetheless, they conveyed your message.
Presentation: 7/10
Undecipherable presentation. No rhyme scheme or real usage of stanza. Silence would blossom on my lips if required to read this aloud.
Grammar: 4/10
Abysmal. Ever heard of spellcheck? Inappropriate usage of punctuation, verb confusion, and incomplete thoughts also hinder your flow.
"Prevade"? Nonexistent. Try pervade instead.
Style: 7/10
I enjoyed your lack of established protocols to some extent. However, Issues listed above impair clear interpretation. Your vocabulary is above average though!
"It's hard to see the forest through all the trees" was your strongest line in my opinion. That showed artistic value.
Overall: 7/10
I enjoyed your sense of optimism, an assortment of your metaphors, and your general theme. Some serious revisions are needed. The issues rest not in your creativity, just your presentation of it. Keep up good work! |
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