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The Masquerade
Contributed by
twick
on
Monday, 6th March 2006 @ 05:24:35 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Vestiges of the sleepless wonder
oh why is it me?
hither or thither
in mixed company.
Blank pages in the notebook
some with lines, some without
my mind is muddled and filled with doubt.
We're sitting down to dinner
and eating off broken plates
I'm staring at the faces of the fakes.
We gather in the ballroom after,
there's going to be an announcement
A spectacle from the bespectacled man
Oh, dear
he's going to lay out his plan
and what do I gather
he's holding the notebook
with and without lines
In this moment I am stricken
I am not alone
And as I look to him
he's wearing the vistiges of the sleepless wonder.
Copyright ©
twick
... [
2006-03-06 17:24:35]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Masquerade
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Tuesday, 7th March 2006 @ 12:08:42 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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I like the styling here. But the last line is just a bit muddled. I'm not sure whether you meant "visage" or "vestige", and I'm wondering if it shouldn't be "a sleepless wonder" rather than "the". And mayhap another line for that part of it?
But don't let my nitpicking stop you. It's a good piece. Keep it up.
Andrew |
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