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bubbles
Contributed by
broken_cookie
on
Monday, 6th March 2006 @ 07:38:58 PM in AEST
Topic:
happypoetry
|
bubbles bubbles
everywhere
bubbles bubbles in ur hair
bubbles bubbles all around
bubbles bubbles
on the ground
bubbles bubbles in the trees
bubbles bubbles look theres three
bubbles bubbles my oh my
bubbles bubbles floating by
Copyright ©
broken_cookie
... [
2006-03-06 19:38:58]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: bubbles
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Monday, 6th March 2006 @ 10:59:47 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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| for a poem like this i dont see it necessary to post. i think its amazing that you have such good rhyming in such a simple poem though. im not one that cares for anaphora or repetition in the least, so i dont really like how bubbles is written so many times. i think expanding your vocabulary to make it more poetic would greatly add to this piece. a bubble can be described for instance as a majestic orb of rainbows, a whimsical sphere, a delightful world. you wrote an entire poem about where bubbles are and how many there are, but cant you expand on that to make the reader at least think wow this piece was worth the time reading? because reading about where bubbles are isnt interesting, and since this is a fun write, shouldnt be posted. why take away reads from other meaningful poetry? but i think, you have talent in rhyming, and would do well in getting it more structured. |
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Re: bubbles
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 7th March 2006 @ 05:13:52 AM AEST
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pmsl! nice one!
Welcome to "the I don't take myself to seriously club!"
To post this under happy poetry was totally correct I'm still smiling now!
J |
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Re: bubbles
(User Rating: 1 )
by LiFe_oF_a_SuIcIdAl on
Thursday, 30th March 2006 @ 10:11:45 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Lol this poem is awesome!!!! heh heh I love taking baths.. Very good to post it! |
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