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Twilight
Contributed by
cupcake__violence
on
Tuesday, 21st March 2006 @ 07:49:25 AM in AEST
Topic:
abstract
|
Freshy layed dew,
Makes newly cut grass glisten green.
And a scent fills the air
That triggers memories unseen.
As the neon colours
Fade slowly from the sky.
The world almost stops
Thought time still passes by.
The moon hasnt graced us
With the beauty of its face.
The stars are appearing
As if its a race.
As the animals of day return to their hiding
And awaken do the creatures of night.
A sight is imprinted on our inner eye
The breathtaking image of summer twilight.
Copyright ©
cupcake__violence
... [
2006-03-21 07:49:25]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Twilight
(User Rating: 1 )
by freespirit on
Tuesday, 21st March 2006 @ 10:51:33 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Not bad I hope that you are not going to enter POETS.CON they will rip you off
Ive done that cost my seven thousand dollars to go to Washington D.C when I got there and talked to people I found out that we all won the same award
be carefull If they want you to pay to publish your own work dont do it good luck
freespirt |
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Re: Twilight
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 21st March 2006 @ 12:58:58 PM AEST
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| It's an absolutely beautiful poem. Good-luck with the contest. |
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Re: Twilight
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 21st March 2006 @ 06:14:33 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| It's really effective in creating the scene. i can almost smell the grass. But you could be a little bit more daring and use some breaks in collocation to have a sort of ted hughes effect. Well that was only a suggestion... i liked it. |
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Re: Twilight
(User Rating: 1 )
by Man_On_High on
Tuesday, 21st March 2006 @ 11:56:51 PM AEST
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a Message)
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"They will explain themselves - as all poems should do without any comment."
John Keats to his brother George, 1818
Be that as it may,
4th line, 3rd stanza needs work-
There's much more to be done here,
via pm-
Great start..
Billy |
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