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Weldon’s Flame
Contributed by
wbluerose02
on
Saturday, 15th April 2006 @ 06:16:09 PM in AEST
Topic:
LoveRemembered
|
The love I seek has wondered into the
darkness of lust.
She sits and wonders why he betrayed her
heart and found another?
She weeps within her soul and forced to hide
into the night.
His love turned sour and his lust became obsessed
for the girl in the moonlight.
Tomorrow will come and her spirit will burn.
Her death will be dreadful as the sun comes up.
The knife that was left by the table she used.
Your gun you left behind was meant for my hand
to use within your heart.
The rain took our blood and blends it within the streets
of lust.
We collided into lust of dreams and not love of the night
Forever lost we go without emotions and tears.
Down into the pit of erotic lust and painful souls we are
No tears to weep
No love to be lost
No dreams to be told
No you and I anymore
I am lost within the nights of pain
You are lost within the lust you give
I hope someday you see me with love and not lust
I will always be your dream of love
Copyright ©
wbluerose02
... [
2006-04-15 18:16:09]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Weldon’s Flame
(User Rating: 1 )
by FRANCO on
Sunday, 16th April 2006 @ 08:40:41 AM AEST
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a Message)
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You have wonderfully differentiated the meaning of these words “lust and love” with profound dignity by relating it with an occurrence.
Good work.
FRANCO
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Re: Weldon’s Flame
(User Rating: 1 )
by Nabahood23 on
Tuesday, 16th October 2007 @ 11:21:16 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Either shorten each verse or determine to use justify setting on your poem. they are good howeverbecause they are center the words seem to run together.
Always remember this as you continue to write:
With the words, you say, some might not quite agree.
However, the words you say are your story to tell.
Only you can tell your story the way that it ought to be.
The way you tell your story is what makes it sell. |
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