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Change
Contributed by
redtears
on
Thursday, 20th April 2006 @ 09:36:40 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
I see myself breaking down, hidden behind my best friend.
Im invisible, a wall. No one sees me.
My heart is bursting from jealously, self-pity, and sadness.
Why couldnt I be her, why am I me?
I am hurting on the inside. I cannot stop crying.
I wish I were dead. Do it, just do it!
But a part of me tells me, This is childish, stop being dramatic.
Put the gun down, there. Now walk away.
From my point of view no one knows I exist.
Im always hidden behind her shadow.
I used to be there right beside her but now I am gone,
To be replaced by a new me.
I am no longer happy or crazy ol me.
I just sit here and ponder, why did things change?
We are growing up and recognizing our talents,
Growing apart and losing our friendship.
Shes going towards fame and fortune.
Im being consumed by darkness and my fantasies.
I wish things would stay the same but Ive realized you cant stop change.
If I had courage and a real reason to do so,
I would leave quietly and unnoticed
And forever be gone.
redtears
March 2006
Copyright ©
redtears
... [
2006-04-20 21:36:40]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Change
(User Rating: 1 )
by PGreene on
Thursday, 20th April 2006 @ 11:32:36 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| wow, this is really amazing because ive seen this happen to people. i didnt feel like this poem meant anything to me until ur last two lines. i think thats what makes this poem stand out to me. i really liked it, but the endings sad..most are...but yea wtv. good poem ^_^ |
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Re: Change
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 21st April 2006 @ 02:18:41 AM AEST
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You need cheese, and the sun beating onto your face, which I'm sure is pleasant..
PFR
There is always hope in the soul that takes a second to sit and stare and breathe and care about other people |
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Re: Change
(User Rating: 1 )
by TheSpiritx on
Friday, 21st April 2006 @ 08:50:24 PM AEST
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Hey, red.
You conveyed a great topic for this poem. Having returned from deployment to Iraq recently, I know closely the burden you're talking about - how things in life change and pass you by. It's, sometimes, heart-wrenching... and a terrible thing to behold.
I like the general feel of your poem... it was structured, in a sense, but actually not quite so, with 6/2/4/2/4/4 lines per stanza... and still, it felt as if everything was where it should have been.
As PG mentioned, your last two lines are particularly well-worded and powerful because of that. It's funny how the simple things can be the strongest one, hm?
Thanks for submitting this one.
TS |
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Re: Change
(User Rating: 1 )
by Mim on
Saturday, 22nd April 2006 @ 09:40:00 AM AEST
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| Yeah i've seen this happen as well, it's really nicely written and tells a story. At the end your clear about what happened, i like that. Well done! |
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