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Lost
Contributed by
Motiv
on
Friday, 28th April 2006 @ 06:01:03 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
I don't know who I am anymore.
No friends to care for,
Me, To push me to be,
The person that I can possibly be.
I don't understand why.
I continue to cry,
Deep inside.
I hide it from the physical minds eye.
Curled up into a ball,
Trying not to fall.
But I do.
I have no clue,
How to act around you.
I'm just a lost soul.
Can somebody help me?
I just don't know anybody.
That'll care for me.
That's all I need,
To beed this feeling,
Of an extremely low self esteem.
Am I this dimented?
Like beer that's fermented.
Allowing my feelings to be like this.
I'm always getting *****,
On, Like I'm not there.
But I did care.
It's not fair.
Do you think I'm a bad person?
I'm always cursin... at me,
Cause possibly,
I am a bad person.
That's how I feel inside.
With no light to shine, on the subject.
I'm just a reject.
Please push eject,
So I can be with the boss.
Or maybe I'm just lost,
To the cost of social life,
With all this pain and strife.
I can't take this anymore.
I just wish I could be cared for.
Copyright ©
Motiv
... [
2006-04-28 18:01:03]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Lost
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Friday, 28th April 2006 @ 09:52:40 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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Here's to hoping you can see the times of loneliness and feeling of loss through, because there really is strength and wisdom as well waiting on the other side of it. Because it doesn't last forever. Still, do all you can to ensure that it doesn't.
As for the poem, it's not at all bad, but it is overpunctuated. Not every line needs a comma or period at the end, and deploying extra commas doesn't help it in the way it is read - readers tend to pause slightly at the end of each line naturally, so you don't need to point it out.
Keep writing though, everyone's command of language, even poetic language, improves with a lot of ink and elbow grease.
Hang in there.
Andrew |
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