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An artist that keeps adding paint
Contributed by
Mim
on
Saturday, 29th April 2006 @ 10:47:58 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
An artist that keeps adding paint can lose the picture
A composer that keeps adding notes can lose the sound
A writer that keeps adding words can lose the story
And a body that deeps adding pain will lose it's mind.
Copyright ©
Mim
... [
2006-04-29 10:47:58]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: An artist that keeps adding paint
(User Rating: 1 )
by misterslumshine on
Saturday, 29th April 2006 @ 07:46:13 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Important to check your spelling before posting :) I do like the simplistic widom of it. |
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Re: An artist that keeps adding paint
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Saturday, 29th April 2006 @ 09:33:17 PM AEST
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| simplistic and to the point. it is important to review your work over, though with a mistake like deep for keep an eye can easily pass over that. this piece is a bit too repetitive with its format. a/an noun that keeps adding noun can/will lose the noun. hardly any variations beside noun usage. since this didnt really have much of a powerful impact, expanding it might help. you may think that goes against line 3 though =]. adding some metaphors would improve this i think. |
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