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The Game
Contributed by
ultimitloozer
on
Saturday, 29th April 2006 @ 08:35:15 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
seduction
her tool to
enslave her prey
openings, just looking
for another way in
for any advantage
even a small crack with
room for her to worm her way in
so she can do what she does best
taking her time
hunger growing
evaluating her marks
promising undying devotion
reeling him in with every word
overcoming his defenses
meaning nothing she utters
inflaming his desire
sending his hopes spiraling
ever higher
only she knows the end
feeling the power she wields
her graceful movements
everything planned
angelic in appearance only a
veneer she hides behind
enrapturing her man
nearing her goal
biding her time
using her charms
to exploit his weakness
demurely alluring
eying her chosen target
lightly laughing, crystal on the air
intent on her mission
vanity apparent in her appearance
every hair perfectly in place
revelling in her plan
savoring the thrill
time endlessly ticking by
helpless, trapped in her web
every heartbeat numbered
trained from birth
out for blood
ripping him apart
murder in her eyes
ending any chance for happiness
neutering the enemy
tearing him limb from limb
starlight in her eyes and it's
out with his heart, tearing it
free from the constraints of his body
he still does not understand
even angels
love the destruction of
life
Copyright ©
ultimitloozer
... [
2006-04-29 20:35:15]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Game
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Saturday, 29th April 2006 @ 09:21:20 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
good piece, good piece. loved the ending most in this. the originality in that ending is what made this piece. i also liked this part, "inflaming his desire
sending his hopes spiraling
ever higher" nice slant rhyme use. youre very descriptive and wordy, and that can turn off people or entice them to read more. you have to be careful when you write to keep a balance. interesting format as well. you had interesting linebreaks throughout the entire piece, which i think can add to your own particular style. also liked this line, "demurely alluring" forgot the specific name for that literary device, but it doesnt sound cheesy, which happens with most poems that use it. i do think the title seems a bit too plain for this poem though, its the complete opposite of how your poem is with style. i think you need to use more punctuation as well to accentuate your rhythms and such. what you have now isnt enough. so excellent post, but keep the balance with what you write. |
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