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My Happy Family
Contributed by
assassinatorgirl
on
Tuesday, 2nd May 2006 @ 08:38:33 PM in AEST
Topic:
FamilyPoems
|
I'm scared of you,
You made me fear.
You broke my hope,
and put me here.
It's been 5 years,
I haven't died.
But the gaping hole,
is growing wide.
What happens when all you've known,
is fear inside your family's home?
Hate and anger all taken on you,
Wondering what you didn't do.
The nicer you are,
The worse you are treated.
Emotionally scarred,
Severely beated.
What are you supposed to think,
What kind of things could you tell a shrink?
God knows I need one, but so do they
to cure them of their evil way.
I know it's wrong yet blame myself.
Whatever I caused to live this Hell.
Before they die I hope they see
All the scars they've caused for me.
My covered hips behind scar tissue,
Only way to tell how I am misused.
Coagulated blood building up in my wrists,
Along my legs among the cysts,
You will find your guilt and meet me there,
But if you would try not to stare.
Copyright ©
assassinatorgirl
... [
2006-05-02 20:38:33]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: My Happy Family
(User Rating: 1 )
by Lady_Daisy on
Tuesday, 2nd May 2006 @ 11:35:11 PM AEST
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a Message)
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This does need a little more work done on it. There are some areas where it lacks imagination. Perchance more metaphors and description? Though there other lines where you have displayed talent (I know this poem is probably very dear to you) for exmaple:
"Coagulated blood building up in my wrists," This is better than "Crimson fall flows" or "Razor blade kisses" that so many poets have used.
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Re: My Happy Family
(User Rating: 1 )
by Hautebush on
Wednesday, 3rd May 2006 @ 09:16:11 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Good poem, AAGirl! I suggest changing the line "severely beated". There is no such word as beated and it sticks out. Work on this Also, the image "my covered hips behind scar tissue," seems to be a very sad and violent picture. However, I would reword it. Like "my covered hips that hide scar tissue" or "my covered backside hides my hips scar tissue" something like that to make the language more understandable. All in all, I think this presents an excellent picture of a horribly violent and abusive home life. Getting your feelings and experiences is very healing. Good work, keep it up! Hautebush |
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Re: My Happy Family
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 4th May 2006 @ 02:41:20 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| This is so incredibly sad yet brilliantly written. A perfect display of how horrid this world can be. |
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