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Tim's Time Machine
Contributed by
vitamin_joe
on
Friday, 5th May 2006 @ 12:15:59 PM in AEST
Topic:
scifi
|
My name is Tim,
When I first discovered
The Time-machine,
(Or was it the Tim machine?),
I was living in St. Helens
In the year 3006
I had a mule, Harvey, who
Was yellow
He hadn't always been
Yellow.
No,
In fact he used
To be
Orange
Until,
One day
When cruel grizzly antelopes
Pushed him
Into a
Pot
Of yellow dye
'Die, die!' they cried
This happened in 3001.
Anyway, when I found
The Time-machine
I realised I could help myself
To money
Just by going
Back in time
To the time
When
Harvey
Was orange
I laid a bet on the races
For a rickety horse
With bad odds
To win
On the nose
Of course,
I knew
He would
And when I collected
My vast winnings
I laughed gently to myself
Ha ha ha!
hee hee hee!
guffaw guffaw!
no more!
I was careful
To hide the dough
QUICK
But I soon attracted
The attention
Of the William Hill security elite
(Time fraud division)
When loading up my lorries
They shot me HARD
And the force
Of the BLOW
Pushed me
Back to my own time
And I bled
Orange
To be continued
In time...
Continued...
And then
Back in the future
I died a rich man
In Harvey's
Sad,
Yellow
Arms
Do mules
Have arms?
They do
In the future
Copyright ©
vitamin_joe
... [
2006-05-05 12:15:59]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Tim's Time Machine
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Friday, 5th May 2006 @ 01:53:06 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Hmmm, I found this a little too...disjointed. I wasn't quite sure of the point.
I did find it kinda humourous in a few places though. The end made me laugh, just because it was so unexpected.
I like the stanza with the pot of die. That is pretty unique.
I do think this could have done with being a little more detailed, and linked together, but overall it wasn't bad.
Phyllis xxx |
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Re: Tim's Time Machine
(User Rating: 1 )
by vitamin_joe on
Sunday, 7th May 2006 @ 05:00:21 AM AEST
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a Message)
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thanks for commenting, Phyllis. I guess it is disjointed, yes... I think the point is the karmic kickback from greed, but I can't be certain...
joe xxx
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Re: Tim's Time Machine
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 28th May 2006 @ 03:41:26 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I loved this write totally random and off the wall in places!
you and faiton should get together and do a joint write sometime.
Chalk up another good one.
J. |
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Re: Tim's Time Machine
(User Rating: 1 )
by vitamin_joe on
Sunday, 28th May 2006 @ 04:30:59 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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thanks J- yeah, I'd love to write with faiton, I think his stuff is great...
small aside- a lot of people tell me this is an odd poem, but I have never seen it myself. to me it is very straight-forward, logical, almost pedestrian. I don't know what this means. maybe it means I have read too much Philip K Dick...
thanks for commenting! |
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