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In The Rain
Contributed by
The_Young_Poet
on
Saturday, 6th May 2006 @ 03:01:49 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
The clouds delivering the rain
As the low thunder shouted in vain
Rumbling the earth below us
The thunder was seeming to fuss
For us to get out of this rain
This rain that came down hard
Pelting our faces with each wind
Who couldve knew
That Mother Nature would brew
This large storm of hers
My stomach was churning
Not because of this thunder above us
But because my arms were around your neck
As yours were around my waist
As that, I could feel
My heart growing large for you
My feeling getting even more intimate for you
All I could do is think about being with you again
Me feeling that I could feel no more pain
As long as I was in your arms
Where I was safe from any alarm
Copyright ©
The_Young_Poet
... [
2006-05-06 15:01:49]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: In The Rain
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 6th May 2006 @ 03:57:11 PM AEST
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a Message)
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This is very good! I perceived the first verse as being on a cloud of Love. Transition in second verse to a down to earth rain and realization. Third verse all tender 'n' cozy fallin' in love and safety. Very well done. Might consider the visual of "For us" on its own thought line to double the emphasis of the rhyme. Third post o' yers I enjoyed.
wabl
KenMoore
cowboy |
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Re: In The Rain
(User Rating: 1 )
by ElliotRS on
Saturday, 6th May 2006 @ 07:35:00 PM AEST
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| I like the last stanza the best it bring the poem together by saying that your falling in love with a person and you feel secure in their arms...very well done |
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Re: In The Rain
(User Rating: 1 )
by Lilly-Quill on
Sunday, 7th May 2006 @ 06:28:00 PM AEST
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What a lovely romantic sentiment, ascribed with a wondrous imagination of brilliance!
~Lilly-Quill |
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Re: In The Rain
(User Rating: 1 )
by epsftbllchic1617 on
Sunday, 23rd July 2006 @ 07:35:27 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I love how you mix the rough thunderstorms, and the undying love. |
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