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Top of the World's Spring
Contributed by
packatack
on
Saturday, 13th May 2006 @ 05:44:54 AM in AEST
Topic:
NaturePoetry
|
You see the water drippin from the snow
And see bunch of birdies flying slow
Freshest air to breath this time
Makes everyone happy that winter went bye bye
Sun rises high and feel the heat baking
Fresh smell of good coffee sips just right
Skys of blue, dark or white
U never know wat night looks like
Sometimes the ocean ice sparkles away
Drifting north and south during the day
Night time comes and the sun sets
Different colors of skies, different nights
But up here there's no night
You see the ladies dressed in their light parkas
And men chillin on their left or right
Kids playin around with no worries of cold
Top of the worlds greatest time till start of fall
Copyright ©
packatack
... [
2006-05-13 05:44:54]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Top of the World's Spring
(User Rating: 1 )
by desireemiote on
Saturday, 13th May 2006 @ 07:19:07 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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At first it seemed you might be forcing the rhyming. I think you could write a wonderful free form poem. I was always hard pressed to rhyme before myself. I had a poetry teacher who taught me free form and I loved it in no time. Rhyming is fine but it's better to let i just flow like the end of the poem. Sorry if I sound harsh or anything. I would just really love to see a free form poem by you. Send me a message if you write one... I'll look at your other poems now too and make sure I didn't ust make a fool of myself*blush*
Megan(and her bun in the oven) |
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Re: Top of the World's Spring
(User Rating: 1 )
by palebluesun on
Saturday, 13th May 2006 @ 04:22:20 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| vivid,atmospheric,and unique style.You put the reader in the scene.It is a free association of thoughts that together create a spontaneous picture.So uplifting.:D |
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Re: Top of the World's Spring
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Sunday, 11th June 2006 @ 11:28:23 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| I like the simplicity of your words and the heart you have poured into a very apt poem. |
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