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Scarlet Snow
Contributed by
katanna
on
Wednesday, 31st May 2006 @ 10:33:48 PM in AEST
Topic:
Grief
|
Snow falls gently from the sky
as I lay here
like a cool blanket
it covers me
the old oak tree
is my pillow
while the earth
is my bed
it is so cold
yet...
i feel nothing
scarlet blood
stains the endless white
pooling
around my body
i'm almost lost in the snow
from the paleness
of my skin
my mind is numb
I feel nothing
all I feel
is the pain in my heart
having died
by my lover's hand
my blood
stains his hands
the cause of my demise
a shining blade
emerging from my chest
with the snow
as my blanket
the oak tree
as my pillow
and the earth
as my bed
As my vision finally
fades into darkness
one thought
plagues my mind
'How did things go so wrong?'
Copyright ©
katanna
... [
2006-05-31 22:33:48]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Scarlet Snow
(User Rating: 1 )
by wizard on
Wednesday, 31st May 2006 @ 10:40:12 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
i really like this...great write!
wiz |
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Re: Scarlet Snow
(User Rating: 1 )
by EddieDean on
Wednesday, 31st May 2006 @ 10:40:20 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Wow, damn fine write. Caught me off-guard towards the end. Nice work though, keep it up.
-Eddie Dean |
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Re: Scarlet Snow
(User Rating: 1 )
by sadaddy on
Wednesday, 31st May 2006 @ 11:15:05 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Wonderfully written, this was a great depiction of heartbreak. Be good and Take care
sadaddy |
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Re: Scarlet Snow
(User Rating: 1 )
by Davinah on
Thursday, 1st June 2006 @ 01:54:57 AM AEST
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a Message)
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This was really beautiful...
Davinah |
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Re: Scarlet Snow
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Thursday, 1st June 2006 @ 04:20:23 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
It's good. I like how simple it is. A lot of poetry doesn't need embelishment, but some go too far. This works well.
I like the last line, the poem leads up to that well, I love the calmness and the imagery and descriptions.
I do have one bit of advice, though - capitalisation. If you capitalised your 'I's your writing would look more professional.
Good write,
Phil xxx |
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Re: Scarlet Snow
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fahlia on
Sunday, 1st April 2007 @ 10:09:45 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
I love it. Something so beautiful...
It's like our world, the snow is so white and pure and so easily tainted by blood. A poetic tragedy. Brilliant. ^_^ |
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