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Fallen
Contributed by
lostinmyself
on
Friday, 2nd June 2006 @ 10:35:01 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Tumbling through fingers,
I became a princess for a moment,
Adored by those who watched,
My fabulous entrance,
Into a recently vacated spot.
I never paused to wonder
Who I might have missed
Out of the corner of my eye,
Or who had drifted toward me
As I gazed adoringly at my own reflection.
My moment of glory had surely arrived,
But the pedestal which you placed me upon,
Was far too tall for me to see,
How far I had to fall,
To reach your eyes.
But I still grew, oblivious,
As my own thorns pierced my own skin,
And my beauty fell away,
To drift down to the remains
Of the one before.
Copyright ©
lostinmyself
... [
2006-06-02 22:35:01]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Fallen
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on
Friday, 2nd June 2006 @ 10:46:17 PM AEST
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| Phyllis, Excellent write. I thank you for sharing such a sad, but beautiful write. It flowed nicely. Peace and hugs, Laura |
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Re: Fallen
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 3rd June 2006 @ 11:12:29 AM AEST
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Yep, sad but beautifully written. It reminds me of someone's story about their fifteen minutes of fame.
Very nice, Phyllis.
Tim
:-)
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Re: Fallen
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 3rd June 2006 @ 01:41:04 PM AEST
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As I read this , I could visualize a moving picture in slow motion, a dream like quality if you will, playing. It is mesmorizing , thank you for sharing this unique write, I love it
LG |
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Re: Fallen
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 3rd June 2006 @ 03:17:30 PM AEST
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Holy heck sweetie! This was from DEEP within.
Incredible emotion here, hun. I think this must have
been a difficult write for you. (Maybe not the conception
by way of pen, but merely by conveyance of the sentiment)
It seems quite raw to me, (as I'm sure you meant it to be)
and somewhat tragic. Like getting caught up in something
only to realize you have no idea where you are or how
you came to be in that place. [don't know if that makes
as much sense onscreen as it does in my own head]
Powerful write, sweets.
*hugs*
~Breezy |
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Re: Fallen
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Saturday, 3rd June 2006 @ 03:33:48 PM AEST
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I think it makes it the more powerful, that there's not a lot of setup or a lingering close, just the immediacy of the subject at hand in each line.
This is a beautiful piece, it really is. The lines are very well worded and polished, but just full of humanity and bittersweetness. Very well done.
Andrew
(who likes this one a lot) |
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Re: Fallen
(User Rating: 1 )
by bronzen on
Saturday, 3rd June 2006 @ 09:22:26 PM AEST
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| I UNDERSTOOD EVERY WORD SWEETIE EXCELLENT WRITE AND HEARTFELT |
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Re: Fallen
(User Rating: 1 )
by wizard on
Saturday, 3rd June 2006 @ 11:34:41 PM AEST
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very nicely done!
wiz |
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Re: Fallen
(User Rating: 1 )
by JGB on
Sunday, 4th June 2006 @ 01:15:09 PM AEST
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| Great write! |
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Re: Fallen
(User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on
Monday, 5th June 2006 @ 01:09:33 PM AEST
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Both breathtakingly beautiful, and powerfully painfull at the same time. I wouldn't dream of suggesting anything be changed.
Nazzy ~
( liking this immensely ) |
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Re: Fallen
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 5th June 2006 @ 04:13:14 PM AEST
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I'm glad i don't listen 2 every thing u say lol. like don't do this or don't that. I am glad i read your poetry, i needed 2 this after noon, your simlply good at what u do and that's very rewarding to any one who reads your poetry or writtings what ever one want's 2 called them, as 4 me? you and your poetry are of the upmost without a doubt. every peice u write is of artistic excellance and " Don't "
you 4 get it lol. Truly captivating and genuinley
beautiful. In a word, priceless.
**********
((((Phill))))
Ben |
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Re: Fallen
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 6th June 2006 @ 10:18:17 AM AEST
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Beautiful Phyllis.
I think part of growing id looking back, no matter how painful or embarresing.
What I like best is that while talking of growing, the growth itself shows in the write. |
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Re: Fallen
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Sunday, 11th June 2006 @ 12:41:28 AM AEST
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| Amazing |
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Re: Fallen
(User Rating: 1 )
by secretwind on
Saturday, 17th June 2006 @ 07:22:53 PM AEST
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| well done |
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Re: Fallen
(User Rating: 1 )
by RLWildPassions on
Saturday, 22nd July 2006 @ 03:47:39 PM AEST
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such tenderness in your write.. and it as though you dance a ballerina style in your voice of heart.. a most dazzling piece of written art... talent define you... at it is a greatest blessing of yours.. RL
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