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One time to many
Contributed by
jtkzlimz
on
Friday, 16th June 2006 @ 11:31:20 PM in AEST
Topic:
drugabuse
|
One bruise here two more there but he only does it because he cares.
One black eye one busted lip he gets mad sometimes to much to bare.
One broken arm one broken leg he only does it 'cause I mess up.
He hits me and kicks me when he gets mad sometimes I tend to make him do that.
I know he loves me and he cares so much about me.
He can stop if he wants and I ask him to, but he says that if I wasn't a klutz
If I wasn't a screw up, If I would listen and do what I'm told.
One hospital visit, one misscariage or two he loves me though.
One counseling session, one drug addiction, one AA meeting.
One bad day, one bad week one bad month, one bad year I suppose.
One more hit, One more kick, one more trip to the hospital.
One more innocent child caught in the middle.
One more axcuse, one more lie, one more tear to cry.
One one one one one one one one one one one
Let me tell you that one should be none.
That black eye shouldn't exist that busted lip never shouldn't have happend.
That broken arm and leg it shouldn't be there.
That baby or more should still be alive, that man shouldn't make you cry.
I know you say he cares, I know you say he loves you.
Look in the mirror hunny 'cause his love, that's how he shows you.
One more trip to the hospital, no wait it's the last
One trip to the morge, one trip 6 feet under the grass.
But he loves you right so I guess it's ok but tell me this
If he loves you so much then why does he show it with his fist.
How much more innocent blood does he have to spill before you wake up
Wake up and see that one day a baby's not the only thing he'll kill.
Copyright ©
jtkzlimz
... [
2006-06-16 23:31:20]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: One time to many
(User Rating: 1 )
by twick on
Saturday, 17th June 2006 @ 01:27:57 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I think the rhythm of your poem would improve if you added a few more commas here and there, for example the first line, (One bruise here, tow more there, but he only does it because he cares.)
I think it would increase the impact of each phrase you know add some gravity to the reality of the statement.
Otherwise it was put together extremely well, especially for tackling a topic like this. Usually poems like this are so uninteresting by the time you get to the bottom you want to forget it but this held my interest. Honestly it was mostly the rhythm but the topic is an important one and whatever keeps the eyes glued to the screen achieves the goal right. |
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Re: One time to many
(User Rating: 1 )
by cheetham on
Saturday, 17th June 2006 @ 01:31:46 AM AEST
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| This is a great poem, and I feel it deals with the issue at hand well. Obviously the subject matter is dealing with an issue that many need to become more aware of, so poetry is an excellent medium for that. The way it's written makes the reader emotionally involved which is obviously how it was intended. Well done! |
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Re: One time to many
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 17th June 2006 @ 02:42:42 AM AEST
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Very powerful and hard hitting.
I don't know what else to say, except that I most whole heartily agree with:
"Let me tell you that one should be none"
Children should never be the subject of abuse and the ones that administer such really need help before such things happen, as you suggest, in the end of your poem.
You have done very well here.
Tim
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Re: One time to many
(User Rating: 1 )
by bronzen on
Saturday, 17th June 2006 @ 10:57:20 AM AEST
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| very powerful stated well abuse is such a inhuman action My heart goes out to anyone who has suffered from it and continue to do Look to God for strength people feed do wrong to others to feed their insecurities |
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Re: One time to many
(User Rating: 1 )
by Aeris030388 on
Wednesday, 28th June 2006 @ 07:01:01 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Brilliant write...it touched something from my past. Well done. |
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