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Up against the wall
Contributed by
mindset
on
Sunday, 18th June 2006 @ 06:04:42 PM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
How many words of sharp expressed
Too many lies past our breath
In our our eyes so much pain
Inside our hearts so plenty to blame
Things now just aint the same
What's lost and forgot
Nothing but should remain
Years and years so much love
What now has changed
Doubt and total change
Look up now a sky of rain
Seen this always before
Funny you know why so much strange
Is it we came to end a real
Woke up and lost a feel
Onward now it has begun
Nothing but a clear water true
Ever thought they should make a movie
About me and you
Change in tempo one more sip
Look up now an autumn blue
Arms around us pure and inside lone
Change a baptise wait
Never been a religious man
Only waitin for the people late
Just an angel sent of place a want
I tell you truth
Better wake up people
Getting tired on you
Not knowing what im onabout
Look within the word and music rite
Inside a place of rite
..........................................
Copyright ©
mindset
... [
2006-06-18 18:04:42]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Up against the wall
(User Rating: 1 )
by Lucid_Tides on
Sunday, 18th June 2006 @ 06:35:21 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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Constructive thoughts:
This is a very well put together poem. What it is projecting is very visable. It puts a mental picture in my mind that says you are angry or upset about something. All that is needed is a little more detail in the stanzas and a little more backbone, which will project the thoughts more easily and visably. More powerful wording will help with this. Keep that in mind as you write more poetry. Good job. |
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Re: Up against the wall
(User Rating: 1 )
by mindset on
Sunday, 18th June 2006 @ 06:48:06 PM AEST
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a Message)
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thanky ou im running out of words now :)
thx for your comments........ |
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Re: Up against the wall
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Monday, 26th June 2006 @ 03:19:55 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
nice very nice
i like it |
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