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i miss you nan
Contributed by
caz241182
on
Monday, 26th June 2006 @ 05:22:26 AM in AEST
Topic:
Grief
|
I miss you nan i wish you could of stayed,
i miss you nan more for each and every day,
i miss you so much in every single way.
I wish you was still here,
you could take away my fears,
when i needed to talk you was my ears.
We had such fun times togeather,
what we had i will keep forever.
When its my time will you colect me?,
or will you just leave like you never met me,
i even remember the things we had for tea,
i know its silly but it means alot to me.
I miss you with all my heart,
i miss you with all my soal,
only god knows why you had to go.
Ill remeber you till the end of time,
and be glad that you was my nan all mine.
Copyright ©
caz241182
... [
2006-06-26 05:22:26]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: i miss you nan
(User Rating: 1 )
by wrdz on
Monday, 26th June 2006 @ 09:19:38 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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There are just a few small errors.
First line you have "...I wish you could of stayed,"
Should be "...I wish you could have stayed," or "...I wish you could've stayed,"
Second stanza, first line, you have "I wish you was still here,".
Should be "I wish you were still here,"
Second stanza, third line, you have "when I needed to talk, you was my ears."
Should be "when I needed to talk, you were my ears."
Fourth stanza, first line, you have "When its my time will you colect me?,"
Should be When it's my time, will you collect me? (drop the comma at the end)
Also line four of this stanza, you have " i know its silly but it means alot to me."
Should be "I know it's silly, but it means a lot to me."
Fifth stanza, second line you have i miss you with all my soal,"
Should be "I miss you with all my soul,"
Last stanza, first line, you have "Ill remeber you till the end of time,"
Should be "I'll remember you 'til the end of time,"
And the last line, you have "and be glad you was my nan all mine."
Should be "And be glad that you were my nan all mine."
Now this might look like nitpicking, but I would like to see you have every chance to put out good work. The concept here is good, but you just need a little nudge for detail. Thank you for sharing this work. It is really very good. wrdz |
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