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Lost
Contributed by
bluestars
on
Thursday, 29th June 2006 @ 01:39:01 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
I feel lost,
I've lost my way.
I don't know which way to cross or if to stay,
I've just kept running, running away.
I fee lost,
I've lost my way.
Lost in a dream of mystery,
in a dream of fantasy.
Lost in your eyes of wonder
looking for hope and despair
looking for a way out,
for a way in.
Lost in the dark,
lost in the night of star bright.
Lost in time,
have I lost my mind?
I see the light,
I see the day
I see you coming closer my way
You pull me away
hold me near
whispear sweet nothings in my ear.
And if I get lost again...
I know I have you to save me in the end.
Copyright ©
bluestars
... [
2006-06-29 01:39:01]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Lost
(User Rating: 1 )
by Aeris030388 on
Thursday, 29th June 2006 @ 08:47:55 AM AEST
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This is very good. I can feel the contradictions and confusion of the human psyche. Well done. -Roxanne
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Re: Lost
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 29th June 2006 @ 12:19:20 PM AEST
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A very good and sweet write spoken with the never ending knowledge of the stability of love and devotion:
"And if I get lost again...
I know I have you to save me in the end."
wabl
KenMoore
cowboy
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Re: Lost
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Thursday, 29th June 2006 @ 01:07:00 PM AEST
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Nice work - it has a pleasant rhythm, and is articulate. There are a couple rough spots I'll point out. The line lost in the night of star bright. is bordering on grammatically incorrect, and is a little clunky. I assume it's meant to echo the child's rhyme (star light, star bright, etc.). It could still do so if it was worded a little better, something like lost in a night of stars bright.
I think the use of "sweet nothings" is a little anticlimactic, since it usually implies "fluffy" romantics, while the next two lines portray a more effective and powerful kind of love.
But, all in all, it's nice. Keep writing.
Andrew |
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Re: Lost
(User Rating: 1 )
by JGB on
Friday, 30th June 2006 @ 01:32:07 AM AEST
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I love this!
"Lost" The title says it all.
lol
One minor issue "I fee lost" is just missing the "L".
I can relate and that's what poetry is about for the most part.
Joanna
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Re: Lost
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 5th July 2006 @ 11:26:08 PM AEST
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I hear emotions cry of ambiguity and the ever present voice of longing. Perhaps in time your dreams shall materialize into a relam of beautiful reality, till then always keep expressing your self. You do it very well. lovely write my friend. *****
Ben |
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