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untitled - it's for you to decide what to call it
Contributed by
ibelieve-dreamsonhorizon
on
Thursday, 29th June 2006 @ 12:22:16 PM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
M.E? - when i look at myself i'm disgusted
what have i become?
i hate you, but you are just a part of me...
i finally understand - i hate myself
i always know it but i never admit it often enough
the war i fought against the world should have been preceded by another war against myself
if i can win myself i can win the world
but now i am tearing myself apart as the war i am fighting is a self-inflicted coma on my conscience. full of poisin
the one i need to kill and destroy is me - the worst of me
the best of me must survive
it's a cold war
it's fought inside my head - lately i can barely think straight
because the bloodsheding has dumbed my senses
the blood i bleed is my own
somehow i choose to bleed - i want to hurt myself so bad
right now i'm all empty - but did you know i got 770 and 780 out of 800 in my tests
they tell me well done - it's enough to get into Harvard
but i dont feel a thing - am i dead?
not quite. or else i wouldnt be here writing about my war.
i feel sick...
me against me. doesnt that sound funny.
it certainly does to me. yet im not laughing
i am simply dying without see the outpouring of blood
that's even worse - at least i want to see my blood to asure myself t
hat at least i got something to bleed with
sream in silence - well i used to think that's bad
but what if you cant scream at all?
that's worse. i just realize.
hey i can think!
but the war is still inside my head
how long will this temporary peace last?
day and night - i am alice like a ghost
yet when i punch myself i still feel my face
why? who knows...
*****. the war is starting over again
i can hear myself scream inside my head but another me is just dead
like a rock too heavy to move, too stuffed to have lungs to breathe
i remember somehting beautiful - but i was never beautiful
dont get me wrong. the fighting has left me hating...
but for what? who? how? when? and why?
it's not right - i lead a double life
is he ok? thank you for asking - i am sure he will be, if you just stay with himfor a while
but i am not sure he deserve anything at all - you see when one walks over the line and become soemone one hates that hatred freeze one's heart. there's no anger - too tired for that. but there is always sighing.
hope we can all breathe in now - but i know only a part of me can do that.
i feel ashamed
splinters of glass grows inside my heart
i feel pain, shame, frustration, fear, desire
i know what's right - but why do i keep losing my fight?
a thorn for every heart?
i wish my heart is yanked out and painly squashed until i can scream and choke on my own bitter blood
and say - finally
i am awakened
afterword:
several pieces of fragments, pieced together to give life a meaning
a meaning i am never satisfied with
a gun at my sight, a gun in a hand. pull the trigger?
no - i did that last time and it almost pulled me apart, while being alive
i fought myself and won last time
what will happen this time?
Copyright ©
ibelieve-dreamsonhorizon
... [
2006-06-29 12:22:16]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: untitled - it's for you to decide what to call it
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kimberlynn on
Thursday, 29th June 2006 @ 01:56:50 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Its very good. If this is your life story, i hope your okay now. God Bless~~~ |
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Re: untitled - it's for you to decide what to call it
(User Rating: 1 )
by calebcrain on
Thursday, 31st July 2008 @ 02:16:50 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| i often find myself questioning who i really am and having battles with myself in my head i can relate to your poem and i think you captured the inner war very well. |
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