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Ghost Town
Contributed by
GurlyTye
on
Friday, 30th June 2006 @ 11:51:25 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Ghost town
Ghosts of the past live here
Tattered doors swing shut
Wind blows like the
Whispers of children
At play in the old school yard
A presence breezes past
Who is it?
Do I know them?
Forever wandering souls
The sun is hot and the
Second layer world is dark
Carried by the wind
The music of an
Old saloon
The laughter of the
Working girls sitting in
The laps of well paying gentlemen
Echos through these now empty halls
What lies beneath
This old town
The lives of the past still
Play over like a record
That has no end
The past repeats
The lives of the damned
Are trapped in this
Old ghost town.
Copyright ©
GurlyTye
... [
2006-06-30 11:51:25]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Ghost Town
(User Rating: 1 )
by wrdz on
Saturday, 1st July 2006 @ 03:26:06 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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| When you stop to think about it, living in a repetitious world, after a while, you know the routine. Later on, the routine becomes boring, and finally, it makes you feel like your going insane. I don't think I'd enjoy that very much. Good write though. Keep it coming. Thank you for sharing this. wrdz |
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Re: Ghost Town
(User Rating: 1 )
by jh64 on
Sunday, 2nd July 2006 @ 08:56:48 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| I like what you have here, but, the flow is a bit choppy to me. Ending lines with actions then clarifying on the next is not smooth. I understand it is Free Verse and can see what you are trying to say but tough to get a rhthym going. Something to consider, still a great write though. |
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