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Ghost Town
Contributed by
GurlyTye
on
Friday, 30th June 2006 @ 11:51:25 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Ghost town
Ghosts of the past live here Tattered doors swing shut Wind blows like the Whispers of children At play in the old school yard
A presence breezes past Who is it? Do I know them? Forever wandering souls
The sun is hot and the Second layer world is dark Carried by the wind The music of an Old saloon
The laughter of the Working girls sitting in The laps of well paying gentlemen Echos through these now empty halls
What lies beneath This old town The lives of the past still Play over like a record That has no end
The past repeats The lives of the damned Are trapped in this Old ghost town.
Copyright ©
GurlyTye
... [
2006-06-30 11:51:25] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Ghost Town
(User Rating: 1 ) by wrdz on
Saturday, 1st July 2006 @ 03:26:06 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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When you stop to think about it, living in a repetitious world, after a while, you know the routine. Later on, the routine becomes boring, and finally, it makes you feel like your going insane. I don't think I'd enjoy that very much. Good write though. Keep it coming. Thank you for sharing this. wrdz |
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Re: Ghost Town
(User Rating: 1 ) by jh64 on
Sunday, 2nd July 2006 @ 08:56:48 AM AEST (User
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a Message)
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I like what you have here, but, the flow is a bit choppy to me. Ending lines with actions then clarifying on the next is not smooth. I understand it is Free Verse and can see what you are trying to say but tough to get a rhthym going. Something to consider, still a great write though. |
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