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Seems hardly fair...
Contributed by
Dri
on
Saturday, 1st July 2006 @ 02:20:10 AM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
roused from a breathing sleep
by your wandering hands, at five this morning
there are no other sensations, just your
smell and the taste of your neck
under my lips
it's been a topped-off day, he
spoke harsh words and I'd had enough
what else is there to do when you
can't see past rage?
my hands shake, still, with the thought of it
having given in, I am wracked with
guiltless remorse
and it's your car waiting for me in the rain
when my anger carries me out those glass
doors,
it's your solid arms waiting for me in silence
when a father I can never be of
takes it too far and I am baffled by my
own insecurities
do you remember, that first offer of a ride,
the brilliant smile, my acceptance? the beginning of it all,
like so many beginnings to be
eventually lost
in the pacing shuffle of today
leaving for a kind of quest, I am forced
to take myself away from this place, where you sleep and
eat and where people walking down the
street can happen upon you
by sheer chance
I will be deprived of you while complete
strangers will continue to admire your
wholeness, beauty set to human flesh and mind
It seems hardly fair
Copyright ©
Dri
... [
2006-07-01 02:20:10]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Seems hardly fair...
(User Rating: 1 )
by enigma on
Thursday, 20th July 2006 @ 02:04:02 PM AEST
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a Message)
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dri,
...this one hurts...emptiness...sorrow...not what I was hoping to find...
enigma...ron |
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Re: Seems hardly fair...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Eve on
Saturday, 11th November 2006 @ 02:39:20 PM AEST
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a Message)
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First, I am sorry that there are not more comments on this piece. But I hardly know what to say, myself. This is soaked with emotion, and well-written besides. The fourth stanza is probably my favourite.
Now, I could go on to tell you that the line breaks are in all the right places, and that I really do think the lack of capitalization enhances this, but it is too much an emotional piece to be much more technical than that.
Keep writing,
-Eve. |
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