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Lies
Contributed by
Stephanienicole
on
Friday, 14th July 2006 @ 04:21:03 PM in AEST
Topic:
AmericanTragedy
|
I thought you had changed..
prioritized, rearranged.
I guess that was wishful thinking.
Honesty is my only policy.
I guess thats one thing you forgot.
Dishonesty will NOT work for me.
You said I'd always come first
I dont know whats worse
the lies that make others feel good
or the ones that eat you alive
how do you survive living your life full of lies?
Shame on me for believing you once
shame on you for deceiving me twice
three times.
four times.
What hurts most..
is we came so close to fixing things
I guess that was wishful thinking.
Copyright ©
Stephanienicole
... [
2006-07-14 16:21:03]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Lies
(User Rating: 1 )
by Strawberry on
Friday, 14th July 2006 @ 04:31:02 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| very good poem! keep writing. sam |
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Re: Lies
(User Rating: 1 )
by Shmokin on
Friday, 14th July 2006 @ 05:20:40 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Good display of frustrated anger, nice read, thanx for sharing :-) |
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Re: Lies
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on
Friday, 14th July 2006 @ 10:57:02 PM AEST
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I like how you wrote this. Definitely you protrayed that feeling of being lied to....of being let down, by someone you trusted. Thanks for sharing.
Peace, Laura |
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Re: Lies
(User Rating: 1 )
by weepingprophet on
Saturday, 15th July 2006 @ 01:31:06 AM AEST
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Honestly, I could barely stomach this. The idea of the piece was being lied to so using the word lies two times as well as using several cliched quotes or concepts, such as, shame on me once and twice as well as honesty is my only policy, did not work well. It was lacking in creativity, it held a bland format with virtually no flow. It is painful to be lied to, but even more so when you desperately want to believe the lies. I was hoping to see an artistic portrayal of betrayal. We have mostly all experienced being decieved, any person could pick up a pen and jot down a few emotions like you did. What will set you apart as an artist is writing something that no one else could master. My opinion and advice is to take the bitter anger that you have from being lied to and plug it into an interesting metaphor or put a spin on it. Instead of saying, "I'm mad" convey your anger through an exercise of your vocabulary.
Let me know if you decide to work on this piece and stick with making it the best that you possibly can.
~Honestly the honesty waits under the weight of my skin~weepingprophet |
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