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LOST
Contributed by
oh_carol
on
Monday, 17th July 2006 @ 04:48:21 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Lost in a world I dont understand
Wandering through life - a barren land
Mirages and oasis break my decline
Offering hope casting life lines
But oasis dry and mirages fade
Isolation sets in alone afraid
What did I do so terribly bad
To deserve lifes injustices such as I have had
Once independent as great desert tree
Sheltering those who asked it of me
Winds of change whip up grains of sand
My weakened defences in this harsh barren land
Stumbling to my feet, I try to stay strong
The trek grows tougher the journey is long
Where is the sanctuary I strive for each day?
It should be so near yet its so far away
Will my life ever peaceful be?
Or will I drown in this sand, a lost soul at sea?
Copyright ©
oh_carol
... [
2006-07-17 16:48:21]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: LOST
(User Rating: 1 )
by lovespoetic0518 on
Monday, 17th July 2006 @ 04:56:29 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Very riveting poem. I think I might have written one about this once. See, we all have had that feeling of question about life, Where we're at in life and why. But we eventually find the answer. I hope you find yours soon. Take care, and excellent write. Kimberly |
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Re: LOST
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 17th July 2006 @ 05:29:33 PM AEST
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Ok, what ruined this poem for me was the very tired Rhyme scheme. I'm going to tell you what I tell so many others:
Proper rhyme does not have to fall
on a line break
to sense make.
black. |
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Re: LOST
(User Rating: 1 )
by shinji_kusa on
Monday, 17th July 2006 @ 07:36:00 PM AEST
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| the second to last sentence kinda tripped me up, it didn't flow with the rest, and in my opinion you shouldn't use phrases, like 'barren land', more than once unless it's the title of the poem. I thought the rest of it was very good though, keep up the great rhyming. |
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Re: LOST
(User Rating: 1 )
by crazygirl on
Tuesday, 18th July 2006 @ 12:17:51 AM AEST
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i never really know what to say, but i'll tell you that this poem is amazing. It screams emotion down to my bones.
I love it
Bailey rose
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Re: LOST
(User Rating: 1 )
by Sturgezulu on
Monday, 4th September 2006 @ 05:48:40 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| i love it,Exellent and very stong . |
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