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Better Broken
Contributed by
spike
on
Wednesday, 2nd August 2006 @ 07:16:56 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Better off broken,
I crawled out of your bed and
Limped into morning,
Leaving the raw wounds of intimacy undressed
And open to the air.
By the time I got to work
I was as numb as the rest of them
Anaesthetised to the light-shifting patina of day,
The slight dips in air pressure and the
Perfume of flowers
I could still feel my heart beating,
But that was the residual drug of you
Shivering through my slack, spaghetti veins.
As the sun drowned in the Great Horizon Sea,
The bowels of bladdery buildings
Disgorged the quiet dead, me included
And with the blinking confusion of the risen,
I grew smiles and voice and colour to the cheeks
And regaining sight, journeyed home to
The tears and laughter and breathless gratitude of
Togetherness that keeps me alive in a dead world,
Later crawling into your bed, where again I
Would have my ossified soul
Broken in sweet union, ready for the new day.
Copyright ©
spike
... [
2006-08-02 19:16:56]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Better Broken
(User Rating: 1 )
by girltranscended on
Wednesday, 2nd August 2006 @ 10:20:48 PM AEST
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I like the way you have woven in some pretty strange words in this piece. 'slack, spaghetti veins' is cool and goes with the numbness and humdrum of worktime away from your sweet union. I like it too cause I get (maybe) what you mean and can relate.
gt :) |
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Re: Better Broken
(User Rating: 1 )
by brew on
Thursday, 3rd August 2006 @ 08:04:41 AM AEST
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Wonderful analogies of the differ words, used in this write.! Yes, it helps if there is something at a bright light after a long, drawn out day.! Very intersting, and flowing write.
Brew~ |
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Re: Better Broken
(User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on
Thursday, 3rd August 2006 @ 05:03:19 PM AEST
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Spike, the first line grabbed me by the throat and the whole fist stanza just erupted inside my head. I could picture the ache of separation with such incredible clarity. I agree with the other commentors, that the words used are done so with a fabulous effectiveness. I very much like this . Yes indeed, very much.
Nazzy ~ |
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Re: Better Broken
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 3rd August 2006 @ 07:56:11 PM AEST
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S~
Emotional indeed! This could not have been more emotional lest
you had BLED right onto the page. I can't decide what emotion
this provokes in me though ... I feel somewhat at a loss.
First I feel tortured, as when you are in a settled relationship ..
but then, the ending got me thinking about how much solace
can be gained just by loving and being loved by someone .. taking
away the pain of everyday .. a tortured existence shared with
someone .. is better than one singly felt. (as you say .. "better to be
broken").
Exceptional, Spike. Truly inspiring.
~Breezy |
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Re: Better Broken
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Sunday, 6th August 2006 @ 01:12:08 AM AEST
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I come to your comment section the same way Roxie did... unable to decide entirely what emotions this provoked in me. It is a mixed bag, I am certain... but a mix of what or how many differing emotions I am not quite sure. Among them, perhaps, are feelings of sadness, resolve, regret, and hope all. I have read this a number of times in an attempt to settle my mind as to my perception... but it continues to change (evolve?) each time I do. I want so badly to refuse the numbness and celebrate anything that isn't... but.... well... were it I, I'd rather be lifted than broken, you know? (And before you say it... yeh... I know... one must allow themselves to be broken - to fall - to be mended. So, perhaps it is just that the 'fix' seems so unabashedly temporary here... I'm guessing).
Thought provoking piece, to say the least. And even now, as I'm wrapping up... I'm half inclined to think that I'll click submit on this comment only to look again and see it differently - at which point, I may regret the words above.
Always enjoying a trip to your page,
~Snemmy |
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