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Sorry
Contributed by
shae
on
Saturday, 2nd September 2006 @ 04:57:31 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
To he that I am of most fond
I have many a words to say
Along with a bundle of burdens, on thy shoulder to lay
I sought nothing more than sharing with you, a bond
I wish our love had lasted forever and beyond
Finally, realization has hit me today
There is no hope, although I often pray
But the absence of your presence, on me has it dawned
If your eyes ever see this, it is meant my sould has died
I merely could not take it one more day without you
Recalling night, after night that I stayed up and cried
I died a knowing death, accepting we were through
There was no way to see you and I had no one to confide
I'm sorry I did this, it was all I could do
Copyright ©
shae
... [
2006-09-02 16:57:31]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Sorry
(User Rating: 1 )
by alecfernadez on
Saturday, 2nd September 2006 @ 07:34:48 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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This was very well written, thought out and heart felt. kudos to you. Some of the rhyming however threw of the flow a little bit, which can be fixed with a stricter syllable structure, but otherwise it was fine. (in particular line 11 and 13, 13 felt too long which disrupted the flow). Otherwise this was a laudable write, with an interesting style.
Alex Trotter-Fernandez |
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Re: Sorry
(User Rating: 1 )
by Rhei76 on
Saturday, 2nd September 2006 @ 08:25:05 PM AEST
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i think you wrote this quite evenly
my style flowed right with. |
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