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When the time comes
Contributed by
True_Believer
on
Thursday, 14th September 2006 @ 08:45:22 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
The world is ending
Yet they cant
Stop pretending
They see everything
Falling apart
The Bells are ringing
Hell doors are open
Heaven doors never close
Birds lost their wings
Animals are dying
Trees are burning
Nothing remains
Yet they think
That in the end
They will be
The ones left standing
The angels are screaming
Save your self
But shes still lying
Hes still cheating
And they are still stealing
Pretending that they
Cant see whats happening
The angels are crying
The devils are dancing
And singing
Welcome to the humans
Downfall
They listened to the song
But cant listen to the cries
Then Lucifer spoke
Time for you to cry
The blood youve been spilling
Then there was silence
The sky fell down
Curtain falls
And so does Adams sons
Copyright ©
True_Believer
... [
2006-09-14 20:45:22]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: When the time comes
(User Rating: 1 )
by pureheart07 on
Friday, 15th September 2006 @ 10:56:26 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| You so burtiual!! This poem so so how can i say it in the right way. It's awome. okay this willrock alot peoples minds. Thats what I thinks is good poetry. That awakens peoples minds & makes them think hey massage me pureheart07 |
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Re: When the time comes
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Friday, 15th September 2006 @ 05:50:44 PM AEST
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a Message)
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This is quite well-expressed, and quite on-the-money as well. Though perhaps that expression hardly fits, being so materialistic. Still.
This piece could benefit just a little from more puntuation. On the whole it flows quite well, but a few well-placed periods and commas have the effect of sharpening the whole thing, as they leave us free from the need to direct the flow of words ourselves.
There are a few places where wording could be improved, such as changing "does" to "do" in the last line, but I'm sure that more skill in such areas will be forthcoming. Always remember: read poetry. A hundred good lines read go into every good line we write.
Keep it up.
Andrew |
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